Thursday, July 30, 2009

Punny Poll #35: Can You Survive on Five-Day-A-Week Mail?

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: , ,

Last week’s month’s… uh, last year’s (crap, sorry) Punny Poll asked how bad weather had affected your finances. If you can remember back to last year, the entire Midwest of the United States was destroyed by a torriquake, a diabolical combination of a tornado, hurricane, and earthquake formulated by out-of-work meteorologists. But since nobody in the Midwest owns a computer, 55% of you indicated your finances weathered the weather just fine. Nearly 10% indicated your house was underwater, and I’m not talking mortgages here.

Today’s poll (and likely tomorrow’s and next January’s poll at this rate) is inspired by recent talks by the U.S. Postal Service—voted the #1 company we’d be better off without in 2007 by important scientists—that it might switch to five-times-a-week delivery to cut costs. It’s estimated that eliminating one delivery day each week (likely Saturday) could cut the Postal Service’s projected 2010 budget deficit from $6 billion to a mere $3-4 billion. Other cut proposals, such as burning down junk mail factories and using “Santa Claus magic” to make faster deliveries, were rejected as too intelligent.

Personally, I would welcome five-day-a-week delivery as all I get on Saturday are bills. And it’s not like I’m going to pay them until at least Monday anyway. Actually, can we cut out Monday delivery too?

So what’s your take on the proposed cut of Saturday service?

How would cutting Saturday mail delivery affect you?

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Punny Poll #34: How About This Weather We’ve Been Having?

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: ,

comic 59 - weathermen

Last week’s month’s decade’s Punny Poll was a quick little survey to see how everyone’s enjoying the comics I’ve been throwing up with each article. With a nearly 90% approval rating, I think it’s about time for the comics to run for political office! Almost 20% of you said I should go as far as to quit writing articles altogether and just do comics. While I admit that my ongoing battle with writer’s block often makes this tempting, I just don’t see Punny Money becoming a comic-only endeavor anytime soon.

In the wake of all this disastrous weather we’ve been having lately, and to go along with my recent anti-hurricane wall proposal (which I hear has been read by researchers at MIT on a placemat in their cafeteria), I thought it’d be interesting to see how everyone’s finances have “weathered” Mother Nature’s recent fury.
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Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Punny Poll #33: What Do You Think of the Comics?

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics:

comic 41 - the comic

Last Punny Poll, we asked you a simple question with a not-so-simple answer: Who owns the Moon? Over 50% of you answered “whoever gets there first with guns.” The rest of you answered wrong. But show them what we have for them anyway, Johnny!

It’s this lovely food processor!

All right. Time to get serious for a minute. How are you guys liking these comics I’ve been posting along with the articles lately? Obviously I’m a little worried that my incredible artistic talent will overshadow the writing… or maybe you all don’t mind that. So please take a second to fill out this survey, maybe review some of the past comics, and let me know what you think. Thanks!

How would cutting Saturday mail delivery affect you?

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Punny Poll #32: Who Owns the Moon?

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: ,

comic 28 - moon ownership

The results of the previous Punny Poll confirmed what I already suspected: we’re screwed. When asked if they’re worried about paying for their children’s college tuition, 35% of respondents said they’d be sending their kids to clown college. Another 22% have their eyes on state college, which isn’t such a bad thing. I mean, I’m a product of a public university and I can count all the way up to 450! About 10% of poll-takers weren’t worried and said they could afford to pay tuition bills, and another 14% said scholarships and loans would cover their children.

Popular Mechanics, a technology magazine which has since been replaced by the internet, featured an interesting article recently about ownership of the Moon. It talks about the Outer Space Treaty of 1967 which says that no nation can claim the Moon or occupy it as we did, say, with America a few hundred years ago. (That didn’t stop the U.S. from sticking a flag on it in 1969.) The treaty does not, however, address personal or corporate ownership of the Moon. Not too long ago, a guy named Dennis Hope started selling chunks of land on the Moon for about $20 each. National sovereignty and real estate law aside, there’s also the practical consideration that you can’t really own property unless you’re around to defend it, and except for the secret Russian laser cannon on the far side of the Moon, nobody’s really in a position to secure it.

What the articles doesn’t discuss is the 2008 Punny Money Moon Treaty which says that ownership of the Moon goes to whichever answer in the following poll gets the most responses:
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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Punny Poll #31: Worried About College Tuition?

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: ,

comic 11 - tuition

The previous Punny Poll asked you to forecast when gasoline would hit $4 a gallon in the U.S. With the average price still under $3.50 a gallon, the 30% of poll-takers who predicted the price milestone would be hit by Memorial Day 2008 will likely miss the mark; thank you, 30% of people, for being wrong. My vote, which pegged gas at four bucks next year, only garnered 13% of the vote. Another 17% selected “This is the stupid answer for this poll. Please don’t pick it or you will mess up science” which explains why the U.S. is losing to countries like China and India in the fields of math, science, and following directions.

Speaking of educational woes, I recently attended a recruiting event for my alma mater at which several parents expressed their concern over the rising price of tuition. This is good news for cheaper, state-run universities like mine, though some parents were even alarmed at the prospect of shelling out just a couple grand a semester for their child’s college education. As poor as I was, even without scholarships I could have afforded that much to help secure my financial future. When speaking to these worried parents, I tried to link to these articles on getting paid to go to college or at least getting a degree without taking on loans; alas, it’s hard to click on spoken words and open them in a web browser, so they’ll just have to keep worrying for a while.

But what about you? Does the high price tag of a decent college education have you worried about your child’s financial future? Or do you have a clever plan for handling the $317,000 per semester your kids will end up having to pay (and that’s just for textbooks!)?

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