Those Economic Stimulus Checks Worked, Proved Americans Dumb As Ever With “Free” Money
Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: economy
Think back to the olden days of May and June 2008 when all anyone could talk about were those blasted economic stimulus rebates. The general consensus at the time was, yes please give us money, but don’t expect it to help the economy one bit. That’s because everyone feared that the U.S. population would suddenly grow a collective brain cell and decide to save and invest their money rather than go out and spend it on giant TVs and Nintendo Wii systems.
Fortunately, us U.S. Americans proved to be just as stupid as ever with sudden influxes of cash, and the economic stimulus package seems to have worked exactly as it was planned: the economy grew by 3.3% in the second quarter of the year, pretty much putting a nail in the coffin of recession fears. It seems people really did blow their stimulus checks on skydiving lessons and Hannah Montana concert tickets, once again fueling my fears that any wacky crap I write here seems to come horribly true.
So what’s next for the economy? Is this the “all clear” signal we’ve been waiting for? Can banks go back to giving out $800,000 mortgages to Wal-Mart cashiers? Should you start direct depositing your paycheck at your local shopping mall again? The answer to these questions is a resounding… prossably, a word I just invented meaning both probably and possibly. That 3.3% figure may very well be a fluke, the eye of the hurricane that may soon leave the U.S. economy under 12 feet of water and I.O.U.’s to other countries. Or it might truly be an indication that the worst is behind us.
Either way, there’s little hope at this point that people have learned from their financial mistakes of the last decade or so, so I fully expect this economic crisis will continue to repeat itself every 10 or 15 years. Of course, if you really want to be one of those people who learns from their mistakes, then please make sure you’re walking away from this chapter of American history with the following notes on your cheat sheet:
- Don’t spend money you don’t have on things you don’t need. If you’re ever tempted to max out your credit cards with a shopping spree at your favorite clothier, please consider wearing the clothes you already own instead. Or just go naked, but only if you’re an attractive woman.
- You can’t afford that house. You know that huge house you want over there? Yes, that one I’m pointing at right now. You can’t afford the mortgage payments on it. Don’t ask me how I know; I just know. You can afford that house over there. Yes, the one next door to the crap factory.
- You need to save some money. Remember a few months ago when everyone was losing their jobs and lining up for unemployment and soup kitchens and living under freeway on-ramps? If you don’t, consider yourself lucky. The next time a financial crisis rears its ugly head, if you don’t have a cash cushion tucked away somewhere, you might be one missed paycheck away from being out on the streets.
- You can’t rely on the government to bail you out every time. There are likely a lot of people for whom those stimulus checks were the only thing keeping them from utter financial turmoil… at least for now. Don’t expect Congress or the President or the Tooth Fairy to save your broke ass every time your bank account is getting empty. Instead, learn to secure your own financial future, and assume for all practical purposes that the government isn’t even there at all—well, except when it wants its tax money.
- You need to stop listening to what everyone else is saying about the economy and start looking at your own economy. Employment could be as high as 20%, but if you’re in a high-demand job making good money, investing wisely and spending cautiously, you’ll likely be able to weather even the worst of nationwide financial disasters.
Stay tuned to see what the third quarter of 2008 brings for the economy. And since my prognostications of late seem to come eerily true, I’d like to forecast that July through September will see ridiculous financial growth brought on by me winning every major lottery jackpot in the nation and then spending all of the winnings on constructing the world’s tallest and longest sandwich extending across the entire length of the Mojave Desert (a.k.a. the country’s largest sandwich toaster).
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53 Responses »
1.
JD
August 29th, 2008 at 12:10 am
The economy grew by an ANNUALIZED 3.3% in Q2, it did not grow by 3.3% in the quarter itself it grew by about 0.8% total. The stimulus checks were spent and as has been the case for the last few years the weak dollar helped a lot due to the increase in exports. The thing people need to ask themselves is how much wealthier they are and as you pointed out most people aren’t any richer because they blew their money on junk. That’s what amazes me about people who start thumping their chest when the economy grows but have no direct benefit from it because they aren’t heavily invested in the market or don’t own any business that benefits from a weak dollar (i.e. businesses that get the majority of their revenue from overseas).
2.
Kyle
August 29th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I actually did spend mine on skydiving, ironically enough. It was totally worth skipping a mortgage payment for.
3.
Stephanie PTY
August 29th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Best comic yet, Nick!
4.
James
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:11 am
This is hilarious! Maybe we should all invest in worthless stock and bail out freddiemac all by ourselves. That way we don’t have to hear about it in the news anymore. Oddly enough I’m sure that a little bit of those stimulus checks went to campaign contributions as well… So in a way the government is giving out campaign contributions. Pretty sick, huh.
5.
chris
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
$580 went towards my line of credit, which i had used a bit to pay off my car b/c it had a MUCH lower interest rate than the car loan. the remaining $20 went towards Bon Jovi pub glasses and a slurpee. i wan’t tempted to spend any more than that. Great comic, too ! i love them!!
6.
Jeff
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Nice comic … I spent my money on paying off a credit card, and then the rest of it went into the savings account. Although I did consider getting a Wii.
7.
Jonathan
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Spend less? Personal responsibility? That’s so 2007.
You need to write some evil comics on how to take advantage of these people! All your stimulus checks are belong to us!
8.
Jack
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:11 am
I am of the opinion that people in general are the most brilliant of all animals and that Americans are the highest form of human. I hereby propose that we pass a 28th Amendment to the constitution that will state that everything each individual American does is perfect in every way and infallible. I also hereby recommend that we repeal the accursed 19th Amendment, for the sake of completeness .
9.
Brad
September 3rd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
This comic is brilliant … laughing out loud at my desk.
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September 23rd, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Im going to have to stop buying cloths but i cant help it. Everytime i get paid i have to go into the city and add more to my wardrobe.
I have a lot of cloths which i have only worn once, how sad am i?
11.
Air Jordans
October 25th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
A stimulus check makes no sense to me. I must be Republican in many economical senses.
12.
The Credit Card Blog
November 27th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Well the word is now there will be another stimulus package for $800 billion next year. Great now we can use that money to run up our credit card debt instead of paying it down! lol
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May 23rd, 2009 at 6:08 am
That’s what amazes me about people who start thumping their chest when the economy grows but have no direct benefit from it because they aren’t heavily invested in the market or don’t own any business that benefits from a weak dollar
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June 14th, 2009 at 12:00 am
i don’t expect it to help the economy one bit. That’s because everyone feared that the U.S. population would suddenly grow a collective brain cell and decide to save and invest their money rather than go out and spend it on tv.
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June 26th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Woow……..
That’s because everyone feared that the U.S. population would suddenly grow a collective brain cell and decide to save and invest their money rather than go out and spend it on tv.
16.
Troll Dolls
September 28th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Most people are not very smart when it comes to money. They would much rather have instant gratiification than save for a rainy day. Sad but true!
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November 2nd, 2010 at 7:09 pm
This is all too true. it is utterly discussing how bad some Americans can be. I can’t believe half the things I heard when they gave Katrina victims cards. That was a complete mess.
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Jocuri
November 6th, 2010 at 4:39 am
Whaaat is investing ? Neah, I’ll just go and buy some twilight movie tickets
or I’ll just buy jocuri barbie and have a great time!
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November 10th, 2010 at 6:41 am
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Spend less? Personal responsibility? That’s so 2007.
You need to write some evil comics on how to take advantage of these people! All your stimulus checks are belong to us!
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August 28th, 2011 at 10:14 pm
I actually did spend mine on skydiving, ironically enough. It was totally worth skipping a mortgage payment for.
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