Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Greatest Credit Cards You’ll Never See

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics:

Sure, Citi might have the best reward cards, and Discover has some great balance transfer offers, but the best credit cards never see the light of day. Here are just a few cards that you won’t soon be swiping at the grocery store but you’ll wish you could.

voosa awesome card

Voosa Awesome Card
This card is designed for all of the awesome people out there, mainly circus acrobats and readers of Punny Money. The Awesome Card features an amazing reward program unlike any card you’ve ever seen. For each dollar you spend using the Voosa Awesome Card, Voosa will donate three cents to the American Society for the Awesomely Challenged. Please do all you can to help those out there who just can’t be as awesome as us by signing up for the Voosa Awesome Card today.

masterbate rewards

MasterBate Rewards
The MasterBate Rewards card makes using credit cards feel good. Not only do you earn a 1% cash rebate on all purchases made with the MasterBate Rewards card, but you’ll also earn 5% cash back on purchases made at sex toy shops, strip clubs, and hookers equipped with credit card sliders in their boobies. So keep your cash at home and put the MasterBate Rewards card in your pants pocket… if there’s any room left in there.

card of darkness

Card of Darkness
This is the perfect credit card for goths, heavy metal fans, and people suffering from depression. The Card of Darkness comes with a zero-dollar credit line which will reinforce your lifestyle of sadness and despair because it’ll be rejected every time you use it. And if you’re tempted to overspend using the Card of Darkness, you won’t need to take a pair of scissors to this card; it comes with the patented Emo-Sense™ Technology that lets this card cut itself!

iranian express

Iranian Express Gold Card
If the Israeli Express card isn’t your cup of tea, then you’ll absolutely love this Gold Card from Iranian Express. Redeem reward points on this card for a variety of merchandise including restaurant gift cards, airline tickets, and nuclear weapons. If you want this card, you better hurry; Iranian Express appears to be the target of a hostile takeover by American Express, and you know how things turned out for Iraqi Express.

76 Responses

1.

randomperson
September 28th, 2007 at 7:44 am

cute…. 8^)

2.

Kristofer
September 28th, 2007 at 8:19 pm

I think I’ve seen one or two of these, I may be mistaken though.

3.

Ross
November 19th, 2007 at 12:29 pm

And then there’s my favorite…with the trend of using precious metals as card types, go down to the end of that path, and you get the “Uranium Card”….your balance decays over time.

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January 11th, 2008 at 7:03 pm

Man, I really wanted that Card of Darkness. I bet so many younger people would get it if it were really available.

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January 14th, 2008 at 4:48 pm

How about the Myspace Mastercard. The best thing about it is that it’s linked to your Myspace account. Every time you buy something it automatically sends out a bulletin to all your friends telling them what you just bought.

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August 13th, 2008 at 4:03 am

I like the look of the Iranian Gold Card! A cool list and a very informative site. Cheers!

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September 18th, 2008 at 3:38 am

the CARD OF DARKNESS LOOKS SICK!!!!….its a wannabe black card…..hehe….i think the ladies will love me now…muaauahuahahah

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The Black Mastercard
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm

So Nick, the third one down (Card of Darkness) is a great idea :p I propose that we actually pitch the idea as a replacement for the black Mastercard which is doing horribly (because no one has any money to get them!) so I think since it’s already black in color, they should just change it over to your Card of Darkness.

-Mike from Credit Card Forum

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May 27th, 2010 at 1:31 pm

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February 16th, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I think since it’s already black in color, they should just change it over to your Card of Darkness.

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March 17th, 2011 at 7:56 am

The MasterBate Rewards card is the best one as it makes using credit cards feel very good. Due to this card we not only earn a 1% cash rebate on all purchases made with the MasterBate Rewards card, but also earn 5% cash back on purchased goods.

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March 26th, 2011 at 8:48 am

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May 27th, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Now we just need one thats made of solid gold :)

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bill
May 29th, 2011 at 8:37 pm

At most, you need just one credit card. Why have a bunch of them? It just makes things complicated.

30.

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June 1st, 2011 at 7:14 pm

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June 13th, 2011 at 4:38 am

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