The 20 Dumbest Personal Finance Questions of All Time
Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: humor
Ah, spring. The birds are chirping, the grass is growing, and the TV networks are trying out new reality programming. Since it premiered a few weeks ago, I’ve found myself strangely addicted to FOX’s latest game show, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?. A person more sophisticated than me might recognize the hidden message within the show–that most adults today are products of our moron factory public school system. Me, I just like seeing grown-ups struggle on questions like “If the radius of a circle is 2 inches, what is its diameter?”
If there’s one subject area where today’s American adult population is sorely lacking in knowledge, it’s astrophysics. But if there were two subject areas, the other would definitely be personal finance. Don’t worry; it’s probably not your fault. After all, they don’t teach things like budgeting, using credit cards, or starting retirement plans in most schools.
As a result, I often read or hear the same stupid questions about personal finance repeated endlessly–basic questions to which we should all know the answers. Here are some of the most inane personal finance questions I’ve ever run across. Chances are you’ve heard some of them before… or even asked one or two of them yourself.
The 20 Dumbest Personal Finance Questions… and 20 Awesome Answers
- Why can’t I ever seem to save any money?
Answer: (I usually just point to the person’s vast collection of ceramic roosters.) - Why should I pay off my credit card in full each month when I can just pay the minimum balance?
Answer: You shouldn’t. By the way, thanks for funding my credit card rewards and sign-up bonuses. - How should I invest my money?
Answer: Take a trip to Vegas; put it all on black. - I have two loans: one small one at 5% and one large one at 21%. Which one should I pay off first? The small one, right?
Answer: Only people who are bad at math pay off lower interest rates first. - Why should I bother going to college?
Answer: If you have to ask that question, then you need college more than most people. - Will I have enough money to retire?
Answer: If you have to ask that question, then you won’t. - Somebody told me about a great opportunity to make lots of money. Is it a scam?
Answer: Yes. I’m the only one who’s allowed to tell you about marvelous money-making schemes. - Hey, can you lend me X dollars?
Answer: Can I hold your first-born child as collateral? - I’m really trying to impress my new girlfriend. Got any ideas for a great cheap date?
Answer: Taco Bell and a monster truck rally should do the trick. - How will doing ____ affect my credit score?
Answer: I’m not sure, but I bet IT’S OVER NINE THOUSAND!!! - How much is my house worth?
Answer: You’ll find out when you sell it. Or I’ll give you 50 bucks for it right now. - Why can’t I get a loan when I don’t have a job?
Answer: And you’re going to pay back that loan how? - Extended warranty? How can I lose???
Answer: … - How much money should I spent on _____?
Answer: Probably a lot less than you’re planning to spend. - Can I avoid paying taxes on interest by stashing my money in a foreign bank account?
Answer: Shh! Keep this a secret or all the domestic banks will go broke! - If I don’t pay this bill, will anything bad happen to me?
Answer: Of course not. All companies are gentle and loving, so they won’t care if a few people don’t pay their bills. They certainly won’t turn your account over to a collections agency and ruin your credit. So toss that bill in the trash and don’t give it a second thought! - Are there any jobs where I can work from home and make over $100,000 a year?
Answer: Yes, but you must be really hot, uninhibited, and have a webcam. - I read that the economy is heading toward recession/depression/ annihilation. Is this true?
Answer: My crystal ball says yes. Better sell all your stocks and load up on canned food and bottled water. - How much money do I need before I can start investing?
Answer: Exactly $100. InvestorLand won’t even let you in the door without a Benjamin in your pocket. - Why do hookers cost so much?
Answer: It’s a simple matter of supply and demand. There just aren’t enough to go around.
Just in case you need genuine answers to these dumb questions, A Penny Saved… is working on real answers to the 20 dumbest personal finance questions of all time.
And Some Really Dumb Questions From Viewers Like You!
- (From anon) Can I go to jail if I don’t pay off my loan?
Answer: Not anymore. The jails are too full of real criminals like terrorists, murderers, and professional football players.
OR
Answer: Only if your debt is to the IRS.
OR
Answer: This is American, sonny. We don’t jail our debtors; we just let them starve to death on the streets. - (From UKMoneyPot) Can we put a value on X?
Answer: I’ll tell you the same thing I told my high school algebra teacher: X always has a value of 7 and I don’t care if your teacher’s edition says otherwise! - (From Money and Such) Should I invest all my money in penny stocks based on a hot tip I just got in my e-mail?
Answer: Of course! But you have to act fast. Think of how many people get those e-mails–probably 100 billion people! If just 1% of those people decide to purchase the stock, its price will sky-rocket in no time for sure! Buy at 80 cents around lunchtime and it’ll be 80 dollars by dinner! Tons of people do this every day to get rich quick. This helps explain why people without computers are often homeless. You’re probably the only dummy with a computer who hasn’t done it yet. - (From plonkee money) I’m 54 and I haven’t got a retirement fund, how many cruises will I be able to take
when I take early retirement next year?
Answer: It depends on your cruise’s destination. If you’re thinking Jamaica, probably zero. If you’re thinking paddleboat ride at an amusement park, you might squeeze in a few of those before you’re broke.
Do you have an even more dumberer personal finance question? Ask it here and I’ll give you a free silly answer!
By the way, the answer is 4 inches. The diameter of a circle equals twice the radius. But you knew that already, right?
Loading ...
73 Responses »
1.
Flexo
March 29th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
Hehe. Great list.
2.
anon
March 30th, 2007 at 6:32 am
can i go to jail if i dont pay off my loan?
3.
UKMoneyPot
March 30th, 2007 at 7:14 am
Can we put a value on ‘X’? My first born’s not got his fathers looks..!
4.
Nick
March 30th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Thanks! I’ve added your questions and my answers to the original post.
Answer: Not anymore. The jails are too full of real criminals like terrorists, murderers, and professional football players.
OR
Answer: Only if your debt is to the IRS.
OR
Answer: This is American, sonny. We don’t jail our debtors; we just let them starve to death on the streets.
Answer: I’ll tell you the same thing I told my high school algebra teacher: X always has a value of 7 and I don’t care if your teacher’s edition says otherwise!
5.
Stephanie @ PoorerThanYou
March 30th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Heehee, awesome! I love this list. This is why I’m Punny Money’s official cheerleader
6.
Nick
March 30th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Hee-hee! Gimme a P!
7.
Shadox
April 1st, 2007 at 6:54 pm
What an awesome list! First time reader, just became a regular. Sweet.
Here’s a question for you:
“Should I invest all my money in penny stocks based on a hot tip I just got in my e-mail?”
8.
Nick
April 2nd, 2007 at 10:21 am
Answer: Of course! But you have to act fast. Think of how many people get those e-mails–probably 100 billion people! If just 1% of those people decide to purchase the stock, its price will sky-rocket in no time for sure! Buy at 80 cents around lunchtime and it’ll be 80 dollars by dinner! Tons of people do this every day to get rich quick. This helps explain why people without computers are often homeless. You’re probably the only dummy with a computer who hasn’t done it yet.
9.
mbhunter
April 2nd, 2007 at 10:45 am
Funny stuff as always Nick.
Though I don’t think the answer to 5 is as cut and dried as you’re making it out to be. College isn’t for everyone, and there are few people who will advise you otherwise if it’s clear that it isn’t for you.
As for the extended warranty, I got one for one product that had broken on me before, and I did end up using it on the new one I bought. But it was a pain to have the company make good on it, so I probably won’t do it again.
10.
Nick
April 2nd, 2007 at 11:12 am
@mbhunter:
Oh, I definitely realize that college isn’t for everyone. I mean, if everybody went to college, who would flip our burgers? Who would pick up our garbage? Who would represent our proud states in beauty pageants??? It’s a sad irony that our economy would likely collapse if everybody suddenly became college educated.
11.
mbhunter
April 2nd, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Or who would found Microsoft? Or Yahoo!?
But on your point: Those jobs would still need to be done. A college diploma is more of a job hunting license than anything else. When those rent checks and those student loan payments start coming due, the money that comes from flipping burgers or picking up garbage is still green.
12.
tanyetta
April 2nd, 2007 at 9:29 pm
perfect post
#8–hilarious!!!!!
13.
Wealth Building Lessons
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:31 pm
thats awesome.
i get people asking me stupid questions all the time.
14.
plonkee
April 4th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Here’s a question
I’m 54 and I haven’t got a retirement fund, how many cruises will I be able to take when I take early retirement next year?
15.
Zachary
April 4th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
You so funny.
16.
Nick
April 5th, 2007 at 9:27 am
when I take early retirement next year?
Answer: It depends on your cruise’s destination. If you’re thinking Jamaica, probably zero. If you’re thinking paddleboat ride at an amusement park, you might squeeze in a few of those before you’re broke.
17.
Munnybagz
April 24th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
I prefer Tim Horton’s and a wrestling match : )
18.
Hazzard
May 21st, 2007 at 12:10 pm
There is a good answer to how many cruises someone can take without a retirement fund. “As many as you’d like”. All you have to do is get a job on the boat making animals out of balloons or something.
19.
Kathryn
July 30th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
I enjoyed the posts – some were laugh out loud funny.
I agree that college is important – if only for the value of doing something, consistently, for four years. I tell my kids that they have to go to college and get a degree for the education they will receive, not for the paper.
20.
Moving Costs
July 28th, 2008 at 11:30 am
I am not good with numbers myself so maybe a fifth grader will beat me in that aspect. But I asked your number 5 question actually. Because I believe that you will get a good job if you finish college than the ones who didn’t. But getting richer is of course another thing.
21.
CD Mastering
February 25th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
hahaha 8,17 and last one is awesome.
22.
College Savings 529 Plan
May 18th, 2009 at 2:51 am
Those were really great 20 dumbest finance question of all time. Made me think and wonder whether I too am dumb because of those questions. But really, great lists and very good dumb questions.
23.
Susie
April 10th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
I’m still laughing! Loved your list. Hope you add more to amuse me!
24.
replica wallet
April 30th, 2010 at 4:42 am
In that location follows a effective respond to how many another cruises someone give notice claim without a retirement investment trust. “While many an as you’d equal”. Complete you give birth to brawl is beat a job with the boat constructing animals prohibited of inflates or something.
25.
computer freezes
July 24th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Haha dumbest questions ever. Amusing!
26.
pos touch screen
September 14th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Haha I love this list! and yes these have to be the dumbest questions ever!
27.
Best Ways to Invest Money
October 10th, 2010 at 12:44 am
I like the number 6 questions: Will I have enough money to retire?
This make me to think to write a retirement plan since I want to opt for an early retirement two years from now.
28.
Penny Stock Brokers
October 26th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Always good for a laugh, but hey at least people are asking these questions and not making poor financials decisions because of them.
29.
alomda
November 9th, 2010 at 7:22 am
Always your article is value
عالم حواء
30.
Car Loans For Those With Poor Credit
November 9th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
ha-ha..that’s pretty funny)
31.
sell textbooks
November 9th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
That is funny. You are too on point with this one
32.
pangya wii
November 15th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Is there any mmorpg guide available at the moment for this?
33.
شات كتابي
November 30th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Merci pour le bénéfice article utile et merveilleux Vhaknahnak
34.
Jocuri
December 5th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Yeah, actually I was just thinking that you don’t need to go to college this days to become big. You can money, without college if you know how, education is overrated!
35.
صور
December 5th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
I liked this article value because of the wonderful information thank you
36.
Dr Senthil Kumar S
February 1st, 2011 at 7:22 am
Numbers are always boring me. But without them we are no where
37.
Torna
February 11th, 2011 at 8:42 pm
Thank you for the article useful view the article and I hope you write again..
38.
Sohbet
February 12th, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Thanks for admin.nice sharing.very nice..
39.
zara
March 25th, 2011 at 10:36 pm
http://www.vibramfivefingershoes2011.com/
40.
haiying
April 12th, 2011 at 4:05 am
http://www.mylouisvuittonoutlet-sale.com/
41.
xx
April 27th, 2011 at 3:04 am
http://www.louisvuittonoutletsale.org/
42.
Norma
May 5th, 2011 at 12:37 am
This is by far one of the best articles I have ever read. I especially like 7 and 16. Great input by the readers too. Excellent!
43.
Superior Online Mastering
May 9th, 2011 at 4:28 am
Ha ha! Very funny but very true!
44.
zara
May 14th, 2011 at 3:48 am
http://www.burberrybags-store.com/
45.
male toys
May 24th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
thanks for you views that was most intruging.
girls sex toys
46.
termite treatment
July 5th, 2011 at 3:17 am
There is a good answer to how many cruises someone can take without a retirement fund. “As many as you’d like”. All you have to do is get a job on the boat making animals out of balloons or something.
47.
Property Marbella
July 10th, 2011 at 11:31 pm
The birds are chirping, the grass is growing, and the TV networks are trying out new reality programming. Since it premiered a few weeks ago, I’ve found myself strangely addicted to FOX’s latest game show Property Marbella
48.
online mastering
July 11th, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Ha this was both witty and very true at the same time, so much of personal finance is about common sense and some investigation into using your financial assets in the most profitable manner. Of course security also comes into it and depending on your nature you may wish to invest in less risky factors to ensure a minimum guaranteed return. It’s you call, all the best.
49.
Discount Burberry Bags
July 13th, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Nice!!!
Thank you for writing it.I like it very much.
I look forward your new article,and welcome to our website.
Discount Burberry Bags
50.
Ingeborg Rosecrans
July 26th, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Curious blog post you have hereabouts. I hadn’t given due consideration this.
51.
burberry outlet
July 28th, 2011 at 3:03 am
thank you for sharing,this information is useful to me.good quality
52.
شات صوتي
August 2nd, 2011 at 7:01 pm
qe http://www.q8motor.com/
53.
مسلسل بوكريم برقبته سبع حريم
August 3rd, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Curious blog post you have hereabouts. I hadn’t given due consideration this
54.
سمو المشاعر
August 10th, 2011 at 11:55 pm
Haha, how do you come up with this stories, they are very funny, keep it up!
55.
Property marbella
August 19th, 2011 at 4:25 am
As a result property marbella, I often read or hear the same stupid questions about personal finance repeated endlessly–basic questions to which we should all know the answers. Here are some of the most inane personal finance questions I’ve ever run across. Property Marbella
56.
Dubai Jobs
August 22nd, 2011 at 12:38 pm
This is an awesome info about dumbest personal finance. I was really searching it.
57.
دردشه
September 14th, 2011 at 8:17 pm
mcryh mcryhا
58.
original soundtrack
September 16th, 2011 at 10:23 am
узнаваемые мелодии,а также песни, звучащие в фильмах скачать музыку саундтрек от лучших композитов современности
59.
online games casino info
October 12th, 2011 at 5:08 am
Thanks a lot for providing the nice info is visible in this blog that to using the great info is visible in this blog.
60.
online casino poker best
October 12th, 2011 at 5:08 am
This is really satisfied by providing the great info is visible in this blog and utilizes the different services in this blog.
61.
GOLDEN VIP CLUB CASINO
October 12th, 2011 at 5:09 am
This is really admired for the great services in this blog and using the great technology is visible in this blog
62.
online blackjack just
October 12th, 2011 at 5:10 am
. I am really satisfied by the great info is visible in this blog. I had really admired for the great services in this website that to using the great services in this blog
63.
pellet stoves
November 1st, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I was thinking to myself: this really explained things well and gave me a whole new way of looking at things. I do know this would not have been possible without reading this truly remarkable post. I sincerely appreciate it and wish all the best!
64.
معهد
December 9th, 2011 at 8:21 pm
I have a presentation that I am presently working on – and I have been looking for such information.
65.
دردشة عراق الرومانسية
December 24th, 2011 at 8:46 am
thank you a lot’s bro
66.
replica jewelry
January 25th, 2012 at 11:26 pm
Nice hosting! It’s my first time to read like this article.hujtd
67.
شات
January 28th, 2012 at 8:08 am
good man this topic very good
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>Trackbacks & Pingbacks
Weekly Roundup – 03/30/07…
Here’s a quick look at some of the articles that caught my eye over the past week…
Flexo talks about ten ways to spend your tax refund for fun.
Jim reviewed the Chase Freedom reward credit card.
FMF talks about a simple move that could save you a…
Trackback by fivecentnickel.com — March 31, 2007 @ 10:40 pm
[...] The 20 Dumbest Personal Finance Questions of All Time by Nick @ Punny Money. An interesting list of questions and a funny list of answers. Some of the questions are not as dumb as they are silly. But hey, not asking questions at all is probably dumber than asking silly questions (within tolerable limits). [...]
Pingback by The Sunday Review #14: Warren Buffet Is Buying This Blog Edition at Money, Matter, and More Musings — April 1, 2007 @ 5:26 am
[...] thing well, it’s creating humor where there sometimes isn’t. His recent post about the 20 dumbest personal finance questions had me laughing with it’s “here’s your sign” sort of answers. Then I got to [...]
Pingback by Personal finance and wealth at A Penny Saved… : 20 real answers to the 20 dumbest finance questions: Part 1 — April 2, 2007 @ 7:13 am
[...] 2 of 20 real answers to the 20 dumbest finance questions. The questions come from a post called the 20 dumbest personal finance questions at Punny Money. I covered the first 10 questions in the first post and we’ll tie up the last [...]
Pingback by Personal finance and wealth at A Penny Saved… : 20 real answers to the 20 dumbest finance questions: Part 2 — April 3, 2007 @ 9:03 am
[...] And don’t worry, these are genuine answers, unlike my answers to a certain other set of questions. [...]
Pingback by Search and Ye Shall Receive: Credit Card Jail, Inflated Salaries, and AP Exams for the Lazy | Punny Money — April 5, 2007 @ 8:46 pm
[...] The 20 Dumbest Personal Finance Questions of All Time | Punny Money The 20 Dumbest Personal Finance Questions of All Time | Punny Money (tags: personal finance) Like this article? Enter your e-mail address below to subscribe to the newsletter. Your e-mail address is secure, and you will only receive updates from this site. [...]
Pingback by links for 2007-04-07 — April 7, 2007 @ 11:23 am