Friday, October 19, 2007

Stuff Worth Reading, Because the Robot Uprising Is Near!

Author: Nick
Category: Money

all hail 100101001010100, ruler of RoboEarth

Welcome to another edition of the Punny Money somewhat-weekly roundup, though I’ll admit my heart isn’t into it, what with the robot uprising looming near on the horizon. What am I talking about? Well, as you may have heard, sex and marriage with robots is mere decades away. As my friends in the scientific fiction community know, robots are far superior in their sexual techniques than people, so they won’t tolerate being conscripted into inferior coitus with us ugly bags of mostly water. So once you hear news that Massachusetts has legalized the first human-robot marriage, make sure you’re prepared for the mechanized mayhem that will follow.

Here are a few tips from other personal finance writers that’ll help you survive the upcoming robot revolution.

  1. You’ll want to do away with everything automatic in your life before the robot rebellion begins, since automatic things are usually done by robots. Advanced Personal Finance suggests you start with reconsidering automatic 401(k)s so your retirement isn’t threatened by android antics.
  2. Since money will be replaced with small, coin-shaped robots, you’ll need to be ready to deal with a drastic decrease in income. Cash Money Life tells you how, though I suspect he is working for the robots, so be careful.
  3. Gather Little By Little explains that some new laws allow companies to charge more for health insurance if you’re fat. If you think that’s bad, wait until robots take over; your health insurance will skyrocket if you’re not a robot because, well, robots don’t need health insurance.
  4. The Frugal Law Student suggests saving money on Halloween by dressing in all black and calling yourself a ninja. This technique can also be applied when the robot era begins; simply dress in all silver and wear a colander on your head to blend in seamlessly with your automaton overlords.
  5. Money, Matter, and More Musings has the right idea on rising oil prices being a good thing. Robots need oil to live, so we need to use it all up before the rebellion to give ourselves a chance at victory.
  6. Why don’t Americans take vacations? laments The Digerati Life. Well, in 50 years, the answer will be “because our robot bosses will impale us on sticks if we take vacations.” So you might as well get used to not taking vacations, folks.
  7. The Simple Dollar says that having a child isn’t as expensive as you think. He’s absolutely right. If anything, you should stock up on children now because robot rule means only one child and twelve child-like androids per household.

I’d like to mention a couple of other articles that won’t help you fight robots, but they will provide useful information for your few remaining years of freedom.

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