Holy cow, there were only two Punny Money articles this week. What an abomination? I should hara-kiri myself right now for failing to provide the world with insightful financial information and humorous bulleted lists.

I have no excuse that can adequately justify my failure to write more this week, though in my defense I will say that it’s been a crazy week for me. On top of looming deadlines at work and a 30-page paper due for a class, I’ve also been asked to help the U.S. government balance the Federal budget, reign in rampant inflation, stave off a recession, and reallocate Social Security money to pay for a new air hockey table for the White House break room. While I’ve been busy saving the world from financial destruction and unprecedented boredom, these folks have been churning out delicious morsels of fiduciary fun for children of all ages:

1. A Penny Closer made $5 by killing a defenseless lobster with his bare hands.
2. Advanced Personal Finance was a contestant on America’s fastest-growing quiz sensation, Goodwill, eBay, or Trash?
3. I’ve Paid For This Twice Already‘s spouse is getting tested, possibly for lice. Good luck!
4. A badly programmed supercomputer is plotting to murder Lazy Man and Money.
5. Money, Matter, and More Musings went to New Orleans and drank in the streets and ate breakfast all day long.
6. My Two Dollars is giving everyone a new car for Christmas! Yay!
7. No Credit Needed is living in a trailer in his yard. Poor guy.
8. The Digerati Life interviews a princess who has a magical heart-shaped lollipop.
9. The Frugal Law Student is the hottest person in Walgreens.
10. The Simple Dollar pays a team of undocumented workers $120 an hour to wash Ziploc bags for reuse. I don’t know about you, but I think those jobs should go to American bag-washers!

Yeah, I didn’t exactly read any of those articles, so I may have totally made up these descriptions based off a cursory glance at their titles or pictures. Forgive me if they’re somewhat horribly inaccurate. But that shouldn’t stop you from reading them!