Store Brand Soft Drinks: Great Taste, Stupid Names
Author: Nick
Category: Money

I’m a firm believer in choosing store-brand and generic products over similar name-brand items. That’s because, 97 times out of 100, the generic product is just as good as the more expensive fancy-label item. Nowhere is the similarity between generic and name-brand product quality more apparent than in soft drinks. Sure, some people insist that their favorite name brand of diet cola is tastier than any store brand, but those people usually shut up when I remind them they’re drinking heavily sweetened and colored sugar water for about 1,000 times the price of unsweetened, (hopefully) uncolored tap water. And if you’re like me and only drink soft drinks when they’re mixed with various types of alcohol, then you really don’t give a crap what the soft drink tastes like.
Most grocery stores, supermarkets, and other vendors of bottled soft drinks typically carry three or four lines of soft drinks: Coca-Cola, Pepsi, perhaps some other lesser-known name brand line, and a store brand. For example, most Wal-Marts carry three lines of soft drinks, one of which is its very own Sam’s Choice offering, likely named after its heavily caffeinated founder, Sam Walton. In fact, some say there’s a hint of Sam in every bottle, but I’m not really sure I want to know what that means.
If you walk into your average supermarket, you’ll find that the top brandmakers—Coca-Cola and Pepsi—typically retail their 2-liter bottles for somewhere between $1.29 and $1.99. More often than not, however, one or both brands are on sale, sometimes for less than half the regular retail price. On the other end of the aisle you’ll usually find the store brand soft drinks. Their normal retail price is usually under a dollar, sometimes as low as 60 or 70 cents on sale. Depending on what’s on sale at what time, it’s quite possible that the store brand sodas could be more expensive than the name-brand sodas, but I’d say this only happens about 10% of the time.
Regardless of price, taste, or any other factors, perhaps the most remarkable feature of generic and store-brand soft drinks is that they have the most retarded names for products you’ll ever hear in your entire life. No other generic products have such goofy, ridiculous, and often just plain stupid names as generic soft drinks. That’s because most generic products are comfortable with taking for their names what they are. For instance, my favorite supermarket’s brand of paper towels is called, wait for it, Paper Towels. And people will buy Paper Towels without question because it’s cheaper than Bounty or Brawny or Porny or any other name brand paper towel.
Not so for soft drinks. You can’t just stick a generic bottle of green soda on a shelf, call it Green Soda, and expect it to sell as well as Mountain Dew. That’s because most people won’t realize that your product is a pretty good clone of Mountain Dew. Unfortunately, you also can’t just call it Mountain Dew unless you want to get Mountain Sued by Pepsi. You could just slap a label on the bottle that says something like “Compare to Mountain Dew!” and hope people will make the connection. Or you can do what Sam Walton did and call your Mountain Dew rip-off something even more insane than Mountain Dew, like Mountain Lightning. Now Wal-Mart’s customers will know that that bottle of green liquid tastes like Mountain Dew, and Pepsi won’t suspect a thing since Dew and Lightning are totally different.
I wish Mountain Lightning was the stupidest store-brand soda name out there. In fact, it’s probably one of the best. If you don’t believe me, here’s a listing of some of the craziest store brand soft drink names organized by the name-brand colas they’re meant to imitate.
Coca-Cola Classic, Pepsi
- Big Fizz Cola, Rite Aid
- Bubba Cola, Save-A-Lot
- Chek Mate Cola, Winn-Dixie
- Go2Cola, Safeway
- Rally Cola, Giant
7-Up, Sprite, Sierra Mist
- Bubble Up, Dad’s Root Beer Company
- Citrus Sling, Albertsons
- Quist, Giant
- Sun Pop, Stop & Shop
- Twist-Up, Sam’s Choice
- Vess Up, Vess
Mountain Dew, Mello Yello
- Citrus Drop, Kroger
- Heee Haw, Hy-Vee
- Moon Mist, Faygo
- Mountain Breeze, Safeway
- Mountain Frost, Aldi
- Mountain Fury, Roundy’s
- Mountain Holler, Save-A-Lot
- Mountain Lightning, Sam’s Choice
- Mountain Lion, Food Lion
- Mountain Maze, Albertsons
- Mountain Mojo, Foodland (thanks, Angel!)
- Mountain Roar, Harris Teeter
- Mountain Yeller, Piggly Wiggly
- Ramp, Giant
- Rocky Mist, Meijer
- Sundrop, Cadbury-Schweppes
Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb
- Dr. Bob, Tops Markets
- Dr. Bold, Albertsons
- Dr. Chek, Winn-Dixie
- Dr. Faygo, Faygo
- Dr. K, Kroger
- Dr. M, Meijer
- Dr. Perky, Food Lion
- Dr. Phizz, Schnucks
- Dr. Riffic, Eckerd Drug
- Dr. Rocket, Kmart
- Dr. Skipper, Safeway
- Dr. Smooth, Real Canadian Superstore (thanks, Susan!)
- Dr. Thunder, Sam’s Choice
- Dr. Topper, Clover Valley (Dollar General)
- Dr. Wham, Buffalo Rock
- Mr. aahh!, Giant Eagle
- Mr. Pig, Piggly Wiggly
Am I missing any of your favorite wacky store brand soft drink names? If so, leave a comment here and I’ll add it to the list.

143 Responses »
1.
teleolurian
May 13th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I swear, when it comes to Mountain Lightning, that I can taste the carcinogens.
2.
tom
May 13th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Dr. Perky… when I saw that on vacation in NC i just about wet myself.
The funny thing about store brand products is they are manufactured in the SAME plant w/ the SAME ingredients as brand name products!
3.
s. jennifer rose
May 13th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
It’s not “Skipper” it’s “Dr. Skipper” at Safeway!!
4.
Angel
May 13th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
My local Foodland sells “Mountain Mojo”
5.
Nick
May 13th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
s. jennifer rose, that’s what I thought it was! Someone else told me differently. That’s what I get for listening to people I know in real life instead of random people on the internet!
6.
dyna
May 13th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
when I first heard the name Sierra Mist I thought it was a name of a generic Mountain Dew, had the stupid copy cat sound to it
7.
s. jennifer rose
May 13th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
yep, random internet peeps are the way to go. my boyfriend drinks that stuff by the gallon so i went and checked the box.
8.
tom
May 14th, 2008 at 8:10 am
you have Mountain Dew and Mello Yello as the “benchmark” soft drinks… same for Dr. P and Mr. Pibb… shouldn’t you say that Mello Yello and Mr. Pibb are just copies as well?
9.
Kyle
May 14th, 2008 at 9:46 am
We don’t have this problem in the south. We just call everything Coke and be done with it.
10.
Chris
May 14th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
The best I’ve seen is Mr. Pepper, at a small gas station in Texas.
I guess it was from before he got his PhD.
11.
s. jennifer rose
May 14th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
@Chris
How do you know Mr. Pepper didn’t get his MD??
12.
Mrs. Micah
May 14th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
This reminds me of Mitch Hedberg’s sketch on how naming things has got to be the easiest job in the world. You just add “-er” to the end.
“What’s this do?”
“Keep sh!t fresh.”
“Then it’s a ‘fresher’…I’m going on break.”
I’m going to stick with water. Not sparkling water or any of that crap, just water.
13.
Maria @ Financial-Tip
May 14th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
We don’t drink soda but I had to laugh at all the Mountain Dew rip-off names that begin with “Mountain.” I think my favorite os “Mountian Lion.”
14.
Chris
May 14th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
@s. jennifer rose
Anyone that produces Dr. Pepper can’t be a health professional.
I would hope.
15.
Susan
May 14th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Real Canadian Superstore has
Dr. Smooth (for Dr. Pepper)
16.
Nick
May 14th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
tom, yeah, I guess they’re copies too, but they’re both more of “national” brands than, say, Mountain Holler.
17.
Caldwell
May 14th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
I’ve always wanted to start a grocery chain just to have a product called Sgt. Pepper.
18.
Hansen
May 14th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
My absolute fav was Dr. Riffic! Nice post…very enjoyable.
19.
Insomnia
May 14th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Did you know that often times the generic brand is the same as the label brand only the store has asked to company to make the product for them. Its the exact same product with a different label and we pay more for it.
20.
Dr Thirst Quencher
May 16th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Nitpick: Sundrop isn’t a storebrand… Doesn’t it pre-date Mountain Dew?
21.
Axel
May 17th, 2008 at 11:26 am
I drink Diet Faygo Twist and Diet Meijer Lem n’ Lime, both rip-offs of Diet 7-UP among other lemon-lime brands. One that was real stupid was Mountain Holler at Save-A-Lot! I hear there coming with very inexpensive American Fare (Kmart) soda, I am going to buy a ton that.
22.
obbop
June 1st, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Budget led to Sam’s Cola (diet) from Wally-Mart. At the time it was 50-cents for a BIG bottle.
Worsening economic conditions led to foregoing all soda.
Water is almost free when looked at a cost-per-glass basis.
Boring, though.
Splurged and bought the el cheapo Wally-Mart tea. 98 centavos for a BIG box.
Plop 6 bags into a gallon jug and let sit on the counter overnight. No sun needs to shine on the plastic jug, and that is likely better to reduce plasticy stuff from leaching into the water.
Transfer to another container to allow tea bag removal. Place pouring jug into fridge. Voila… “ice” tea even though I don’t use ice.
Plain or sweetened. That phony no-calorie sweetner is cheap but I minimize its use so as to not overload the body with too many weird chemicals; I’m still trying to shed accumulated lead and various weird stuff the old man brought home from the Lawrence Livermore Lab.
In the upper midwest many folks term soda as “pop.”
Weirdos.
No more soda for me. A needless expense. Perhaps save it for medicinal purposes when a series of burps and belches are of assistance in soothing an upset tummy. Or if you feel like being offensive to those offended by loud explosive noises eminating from the gut.
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Amber
October 29th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Harris Teeter’s Dr Pepper is called DrExtreme.
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April 28th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
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They might be essentially the same drinks, but they’re not 100% the same. It’s like the difference between a knock off cologne and the real thing. It smells similar, but you know the cheap knock off smell a mile away.
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April 11th, 2010 at 11:17 am
what about giant’s knockoff of dr pepper i saw you listed there knockoffs of pepsi and mountan dew and yes i have tried some of those mostly the walmart and kroger brands. giant comes into the richmond va area tomorrow as martins
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April 11th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
Some one’s I’ve seen.
Dr. Starr
Real Dr. (no, it’s NOT the Real Dr. Pepper!)
Real Dew. (I’ll give you 3 guesses on this one)
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April 20th, 2010 at 3:28 am
My local Foodland sells “Mountain Mojo”
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May 24th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
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They think that it is more inconvinient for them.
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July 18th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Cereal may in fact have crazier names or is only second to soda or vice-versa. Crispix has been knocked off by Crunchy Octagons… How funny is that? Anyway has anyone ever heard of a 2 liter being called a “Boss”? My wifes family calls them bosses and No one else i know has ever heard of such nonsense.
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Dr. Perky… when I saw that on vacation in NC i just about wet myself.
The funny thing about store brand products is they are manufactured in the SAME plant w/ the SAME ingredients as brand name products.
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I am, sadly, drinking a Mountain Drop from Schnucks for breakfast. 10 cents a can in the “grocery distressed” section! Sure, it’s no “Mountain Yeller,” but what is? Except for just about every other “Mountain Whatever” on your list. Thanks!
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Although Fanta isn’t a stupid name, I miss that brand and I remember it since it is not the usual name for softdrinks. Coca-cola and Sprite are much popular softdrinks that I usually drink. I haven’t tried tasting the softdrinks with strange names.
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I had Pinapple Fanta in North West Florida when on vacation there and can’t find it in Kentucky. Tonight I found Pinapple Soda at Krogers with small label of Big K on it. This tastes just like the Pinapple Fanta !!!! Gotta try this stuff!
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August 28th, 2011 at 11:25 pm
We don’t have this problem in the south. We just call everything Coke and be done with it.
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September 7th, 2011 at 3:19 pm
@#117
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September 19th, 2011 at 1:42 am
More often than not, however, one or both brands are on sale, sometimes for less than half the regular retail price. On the other end of the aisle you’ll usually find the store brand soft drinks. Their normal retail price is usually under a dolla
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September 19th, 2011 at 1:42 am
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October 5th, 2011 at 7:31 pm
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