How Krispy Kreme and Starbucks Gave Obama The Election (With Bonus Freebie Quest!)
Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: deals, politics
Bear with me for a second while I spout some nonsensical conspiracy theories.
As most of you already knew from reading so-called “reputable news sites,” Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, and various other retailers gave away freebies on Election Day to people bearing “I Voted” stickers. You might think such a move is a generous or perhaps foolish offer on the part of these companies, but in reality they’ll more than make up the loss from people who show up only for the freebie but end up purchasing something to go with it. However, these companies may have a more sinister agenda hidden deep in these promotions.
Think about it for a second. Who is most likely to take up Starbucks on the offer of a free cup of coffee? Rich people making more than $250,000 a year? No! It’s us retarded members of the lower and middle class who think that a $1.50 cup of coffee or an 89-cent doughnut is worth waiting in line for 20 minutes to get for free. And despite the fact that voting should be our proud patriotic duty, I’m sure there are a good number of folks who had no intention of voting until all of these freebie offers started popping up in the last week. Thus, thanks to companies like Starbucks and Krispy Kreme, there are more members of non-wealthy classes voting this election.
And while I won’t say something as scandalous as “Poorer, freebie-snatching people will tend to vote for Barack Obama,” I will say that there’s a small possibility that these promotions helped shape the course of history this election. At the very least, they helped make Election Day a little tastier.
I will gladly admit to partaking in as many Election Day freebies as was geographically possible, including stops to more than one Starbucks (even though I rarely drink coffee), and trips to Krispy Kreme, Ben & Jerry’s, and Chick-Fil-A. In the end, I spent over 2 hours driving and in line and used a gallon of $2.50 gasoline to net about $5 worth of free food and beverage. It was a horrible time investment unless you consider that I feel it’s my patriotic duty to screw big businesses out of profits however possible. After all, it’s the American way, or something.
Not satisfied with my haul of two coffees, a cup of ice cream, a doughnut, and a chicken sandwich, I decided to see if any other businesses not actively advertising Election Day giveaways would nonetheless give me something for free. Thus, I spent an extra two hours on Election Day visiting various shops, going up to the front counter and simply saying, “I voted. Will you give me something for free?” Proudly displaying my “I Voted! Yo Voté!” sticker, here’s what happened at the 20 places I visited on Election Day requesting unadvertised freebies.
- The employees at Bloom, a local supermarket chain, looked at me a little funny, suggested I go to the Starbucks down the street or down Aisle 1 for a free sample of cheese, but didn’t give me anything else.
- The Fantastic Sams hair salon just said they didn’t have any Election Day offers. They also pointed out that I don’t have enough hair to warrant a hair cut anyway.
- Aardvark Swim and Sport didn’t offer any freebies, but there was a hot lady there about to try on a swimsuit. I considered hanging around to help her decide if it was right for her, but I wouldn’t let myself be distracted from my mission!
- Dunkin Donuts didn’t match Starbuck’s free coffee offer or Krispy Kreme’s free doughnut offer. It was pretty busy at the time, so I left without much fuss.
- Blockbuster Video gave me a coupon for a free rental! I was the only person at the checkout counter at the time, and the cashier slipped it to me quietly, probably so that I would just go away. Too bad I don’t have a Blockbuster membership. I gave the coupon to my co-worker so he can rent all his favorite Hannah Montana episodes.
- Classic Beer & Wine gave me nothing. I was really sad. I bought a beer and drank it in the parking lot as I cried.
- And to local readers who recognize what shopping center I was in up to this point, yes, I hit the Forbidden Fruit adult goods shop. I’m sort of glad they turned down my request for freebies.
- Down the road a bit, those crazy folks at FedEx/Kinko’s offered me a free color photocopy! I asked if I could photocopy the doughnut I had just gotten from Krispy Kreme. They said no. P.S. The girl behind the counter was really hot.
- GameStop countered my request for a freebie with an offer to reserve the latest Guitar Hero title for just five dollars down. I countered with playing their Nintendo Wii demo station for free for ten minutes.
- Panera Bread pointed me to some free samples they normally offer. I asked for an entire loaf of bread for free. The cashier joked that even Obama and McCain wouldn’t get a freebie like that. I replied, “Oh, so Panera Bread supports third-party candidates. Good for you!” and left.
- Palm Beach Tan gave me nothing and tried to sell me a $300 tanning package. I jokingly replied, “What, I’m not dark-skinned enough for you?” The black saleslady didn’t really like that comment.
- Wing Stop gave me one free French fry. “Times are tough,” the chef commented. I thanked him kindly.
- The hostess at Cheeburger Cheeburger offered to buy me a free ice cream soda if I could name all five members of the Rockville City Council but said I’d have to buy her one if I was wrong. Apparently “John Britton, those three old ladies, and the crazy guy with the funny name” wasn’t good enough for her. I didn’t feel bad because three other people in line behind me couldn’t name them either.
- Chipotle, which is usually pretty good about giving free stuff away once in a while, gave me nothing. I suspect things would have been a little different if this were the Mexican presidential election…
- Long & Foster offered to provide me with a free market competitiveness thingy that included an approximate idea of the value of my home. Not wanting to know exactly how much value my house has lost since I bought it in 2006, I said thanks but no thanks.
- Krispy Kreme reminded me that I had just gotten a free doughnut from them 10 minutes earlier. I asked if I could get another free doughnut if I voted again. They said no.
- TownHouse Furniture indicated that they didn’t sell anything worth less than $50 in the whole store, but they said they’d throw in a free cup of coffee if I bought a thousand-dollar couch. I declined their offer.
- Art and Framing Depot offered 15% off a custom framing job! I asked if they had a frame small enough for my “I Voted!” sticker. They said yes but added that it would be a special offer and quoted me $72 for it. I passed.
- While I was hoping Bank of America would slip me a few Benjamins, they instead offered to set me up with a “free checking account.” When I said that I already had one, they pointed me to a dish of candy. I took eight pieces and left.
- And finally, the employee cafeteria where I work offered me nothing. The chef said he hoped I voted for Obama.
Please note that I didn’t expect that any of these places would actually give me freebies since they didn’t advertise any, so the fact that most of them refused is perfectly within their rights—and it’s probably for the best as giving one person something for free would have meant having to give something for free at least to everyone else in the store at the time. In fact, those few places that actually did give me something for free, while they could be commended for their excellent customer service, probably shouldn’t have.
So my thanks go to Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, Ben & Jerry’s, Chik-Fil-A, and the rest for helping me fill my belly on Election Day. And congratulations to Barack Obama for actually wanting to clean up the horrendous mess made by the current administration; you’re a much braver man than I.
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89 Responses »
1.
MoneyMateKate
November 5th, 2008 at 12:51 am
What a sassy little hostess you have at your local Cheeburger Cheeburger hostess. She is WAY under-employed!
2.
Social Network
November 5th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Oh man you really had your election day. Awesome quest. Just submitted your story to digg. Hope you reach the front page.
3.
chris
November 5th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I went into Starbucks with no wallet, ordered my free cup o joe (decaf) at 8:15pm, and sipped happily all the way home. And no line to stand in! wheee!
4.
Randa
November 5th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
All I can say is, LMFAO! You really show how people use important issues like an election to maximize their profits! I love it!
5.
Andrew
November 5th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Good for you, takes a lot of courage to go around to those merchants like that! Maybe next time they’ll have an offer!
6.
Jordans
November 5th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
ben and jerrys gave me free ice cream
7.
Roger
November 5th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Ha! Sounds like an excellent way to celebrate after the election. I just went home, slept, and went to work. Still, fun, fun times.
8.
Jane T.
November 6th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
What happened to the American Spirit! Don’t companies know that corporate America is no longer looked highly upon. Maybe they could have thrown in some incentives… Starbucks and Krispy Kreme have the right idea.
9.
Bob Nordberg
November 6th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
birdmanbob4@yahoo.com The law states it is a federal offense to offer or except any compensation to register to vote to vote in a primary or to vote in a general election. period thats the law. We are a nation of laws if you want to change the law fine do so. but the reason for the law is simple we were all taught is in civics class. our founders wanted no influence zero on our voting proses. Starbucks Krispy Kream and Ben and Jerry’s are all left leaning company’s their reasons for doing this are calculated. if you have half a brain you can figure out why. please contact me if you want the company’s who broke the law to pay “class action” they can not be allowed to mess with this law in any way. their is no difference between what they did and what ACORN has done giving out a free sig. or beer money for a regrestration.
10.
Kipper
November 9th, 2008 at 4:10 am
What I can’t understand is why Starbucks with stores all over the world would try to bribe people to vote for a candidate that is going to raise their taxes.
11.
stocks
November 9th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I’m glad that starbucks offered a free coffee with voting, since I grab about 3 cups a day at starbucks. Use the sticker to get the first drink free, and 2 refills are .50 each, so for 1 dollar, i had 3 cups of coffee, can’t really beat that in today’s economy, heeh
12.
Obbop
November 9th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
A deeper meaning lurks within the election day tale.
A tale of woe and despair brightened by effervescent joy and frivolity dusted with a sprinkling of largesse from corporate coffers as administrated at the local level.
In the meantime, visions of sugar plums evade my pondering, most likely due to never have encountering a sugar plum in real life.
Did engage in self-pleasure the day after the ballot box stuffing ended. Ballot box stuffing led to the next logical thought… Stove Top Stuffing but that concoction contains complex carbohydrates in abundance so must be avoided.
So the next obvious thought could only be that of pot roast. Tender pot roast. Renderable with a fork, no knife required.
Never cooked a pot roast so consulted the Web for a recipe, hied to the store of grogeries to procure said slab of dead cow, then placed the hunk of dead cow muscle into the crock pot device and six hours later ate a portion of the cooked cow carcass.
Yum.
Carry on.
13.
Aaron
November 10th, 2008 at 12:10 am
You lost me when you tried to express some convoluted thought about how freebies for “I voted” stickers supposedly raised voter turnout, making me wonder if you thought that was a bad thing. Stick to what you know.
14.
A1 Medical Supplies
November 10th, 2008 at 10:05 am
I am glad you made the rounds, because sadly I did not get to participate in any freebies for voting. I voted early, so did not have an “I Voted” sticker. I considered borrowing a co-workers, but didn’t follow through on it, so you can imagine my delight when I discovered you had taken up my slack
I agree with Kate that the CheeBurger girl is probably under employed.
15.
Lesley Buecher
November 12th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I actually laughed out loud
You brightend up my day, thanks! It must have taken you ages to go around all of those places!! There is actually a moral to this story : If you don´t ask, you don´t get!!!! You had the great idea to ask.. and it paid off!!! FREE ITEMS ALL DAY woohoo!!! I´m a sucker for offers… anything that says FREE on it… I´m there!!!!!
Lesley P.S OBAMA OBAMA
16.
investment professional
November 12th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
ahahah, it is amazing what people will do for free. This is the same stuff that is all over the internet, get a $5 gift card, all you have to do is fill out 10,000 pages of forms and then its freeee!! I guess people are even more comfortable going to extremes in real life.
17.
Jason Aron
November 16th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I love free stuff as much as the next guy. It’s a great marketing tool
18.
Dave
November 20th, 2008 at 8:46 am
very funny.
19.
Kevin
November 20th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
LOL, I like the “hidden” petitions, thats great! I can see your point, it would fit the bill. A socialist like obama would give away stuff, and wants to. I personally know people who love the redistribution of wealth, when really if they would stop making stupid decisions they could have money. Alas they choose to blow money on interest for big car payments or credit cards so they can have it now and forsake all that money to someone else.
20.
Online Cash Kid
November 20th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
That was amazing. I truly almost peed myself laughing.
21.
Norm
November 21st, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Damn, not a single thing free for me. I guess i’ll get a pepsi when Gn’R finally releases their ‘new’ album.
22.
money funk
November 26th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
All hail the french fry and the 8 pieces of candy!!!! LOL!
This is a really fantabulous article!!
23.
Michelle
November 28th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Wow, I’d never heard of getting freebies for voting! That’s an excellent idea, companies here in Europe should start doing it! I’m sure at least in Spain people would put up with the queues like you did
Well I definitely would!
24.
Jerry
November 28th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Bloody brilliant. PLEASE tell me that you videotaped this, and you are planning on releasing it as an indie film. If they are selling/renting it at Blockbuster, though, you will still not be able to rent it without a membership. Even though it is your film. If you filmed it. Which you should have. (Although, you should have some insurance of getting to rent your own film without a membership, I think.)
Jerry
25.
Student
December 1st, 2008 at 11:08 am
This is pretty much what I do every year on my birthday.
26.
Asset Gatherer
December 1st, 2008 at 5:12 pm
I was a volunteer POLL worker, wearing my BADGE (paper nametag with my name handwritten on it, but hey, it was official!), and I couldn’t get ANYthing for free. Of course, I only had enough time to try one place, a sandwich place in Chinatown, before I had to get back to my slave, I mean, volunteer labor.
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UK Jobs
January 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Hahaha. I no can has lolcats. Who doesn’t love free stuff? Gotta love the extra incentive.
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Causes of Water Pollution
January 30th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
f they are selling/renting it at Blockbuster, though, you will still not be able to rent it without a membership. Even though it is your film.
29.
Radio Controlled Boats
February 15th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I missed out on the freebies. We should just redo the election…
30.
rose m
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:41 am
Well lucky for Obama, Starbucks and Crispy Creme did all the dirty work for him!~LOL
31.
Jonathan@Friends&Money
February 28th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I don’t buy the whole let’s make it easier to vote idea. I think that voting should be a cosidered activity not something you do because you have been bribed to by free giveaways. I also resent the idea of voting from your cell phone, it makes it to impulsive. What’s wrong with standing in a queue to vote? It shows committment and demonstrates your willingness to want to make a difference
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Coffee lover
March 13th, 2009 at 5:51 am
Some people just have all the luck. I never seem to get any freebie offers. Heavily discounted but not free.
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March 13th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
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Jeff Paul
April 23rd, 2009 at 5:21 am
he is so lucky got vote and won.
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April 23rd, 2009 at 5:55 am
Classic Beer & Wine gave me nothing.
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April 30th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Really its a nice blog,I like it.
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Thierry
May 5th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
It is amazing what people can do for a freebe. This is a perfect example. Nice post.
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Lee
May 7th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I wish the chick at my local burger joint was that cool! I
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May 12th, 2009 at 5:43 am
Sure thankful to tarbucks, Krispy Kreme, Ben & Jerry’s, Chik-Fil-A, and the rest for helping you to belly on Election Day
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May 21st, 2009 at 5:09 am
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May 24th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
hilarious!
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Nice artwork.
My daughter introduced me to lolcats. Now we check it together each week.
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June 10th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
this is funny -
Makes me think – I should definitely give this a try come next election; or better get try to get free stuff on my birthday
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May 14th, 2010 at 2:14 am
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May 26th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
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oyunlar
August 13th, 2010 at 11:54 am
You lost me when you tried to express some convoluted thought about how freebies for “I voted” stickers supposedly raised voter turnout, making me wonder if you thought that was a bad thing. Stick to what you know.
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