Forgot The Candy? Here Are Some Do-It-Yourself Goodies for Trick-or-Treaters
Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: kids
If you’re like me, you have mixed feelings about Halloween. On the one hand, it’s a fun little holiday where you can dress up your kids in all the different outfits of occupations you wanted to be when you grew up like doctor, call girl, and werewolf. You also get to let your kids run around the neighborhood dodging traffic for a couple of hours while you do more important things, like dress up in a sexy costume and get ignored by your spouse.
Of course, there are drawbacks to Halloween. First, it’s expected that you’ll give away candy to other people’s children. You don’t even like giving candy to your own children! And then sometimes you get those teenagers who are way too old for Halloween and think they’re entitled to candy just because they poured some fake blood on their t-shirts. (At least you hope it’s fake blood.)
Now you could try hiding in your basement or pretending you’re not home—or actually not be home—but then you risk having your property egged and toilet papered and painted pink (I’m trying to start a national trend with that last one). And what happens if you only purchase enough candy for 30 kids and 60 show up? Or worse—you forgot all about Halloween together, and the only candy the store had left was off-brand stuff like Horshey’s Malk Choco-like Substitute and packages of Ms—just Ms; the M&Ms are long gone.
Fear not, boils and ghouls! Having either forgotten the candy or had my wife eat it all three days before Halloween for years, I know exactly what it’s like to be short on Halloween treats. That’s why I’ve come up with a series of do-it-yourself goodies you can assemble from things at home to help stave off the eggers and TP-ers. Read on for a frightfully brilliant list of ghetto ways to get yourself through another Halloween trick-or-treat when the candy runs dry.
- Money always works. Of course, this is probably going to cost you a bit more than candy would as giving anything less than a dollar is going to get your house covered in more unborn baby chickens than not giving anything at all.
- Nothing says Halloween quite like thick, juicy steaks. I know that if I were a kid, I’d be thrilled to have a nice Porterhouse dropped in my treat bag.
- You’ve been meaning to donate those old books to charity. Just give them away on Halloween night and use them to educate the future generation in how to be just as lame as you!
- Kids don’t get enough veggies in their diet. Whip out a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and start pelting those kids until they run away crying.
- You know all those action figures you have sitting in a box in your attic? I’m sure kids today would still appreciate G.I. Joes and Barbies, even if they are missing a few limbs. And if they are, paint on a bit of fake blood to really freak them out.
- Is your wife hot? If she just happens to “accidentally” answer the door naked, I think that counts as a treat.
- Studies show that kids as young as five are now sexually active! Do your part to fight teenage pregnancy and STDs by handing out condoms instead of candy this Halloween.
- One in ten houses still has candy left over from last Halloween. One in two kids can’t tell the difference!
- At the same time, Playboy magazines never get stale.
- If you still have last Sunday’s newspaper, you could clip out coupons for 35 cents off two bags of $6.00 candy to give away.
- Bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon! Or does that only work on dogs?
- Confuse the kids by giving out Valentine’s Day cards instead of candy and insisting it’s already February.
- If you’re desperate, you can break into your own kid’s room and start giving away his or her collection of Pokémon cards. Your kid will hate you forever, but they’d start doing that eventually anyway!
- And if you’re really desperate and have nothing left to give away, you can start taxing candy from the kids who have a lot and giving it to everyone else. I mean, if it works for the government…
Everyone have a happy and safe Halloween! And all you pretty ladies out there be sure to stop by my house if you want an extra-special treat. Heh heh.
I’m making s’mores.
Hey, get your heads out of the gutter!
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57 Responses »
1.
Roger
October 31st, 2008 at 12:36 am
Heh, all very good suggestions. I’d be afraid though, that giving out condoms and Playboys would just encourage the barely-dressed-enough-to-count teenagers to keep coming back. To say nothing of what they’d do if my (hypothetical) hot wife kept answering the door naked…
2.
Hal
October 31st, 2008 at 1:09 am
Very good advice and funny sense of humor! I’ve got some more practical info on pumpkin carving as well. Sorry, no Playboy pumpkins (although it might be possible:)!
3.
Jane T.
October 31st, 2008 at 9:15 am
Thick Juicy steaks? We used to give out soda to kids come by our house. It’s funny when we loaded these little kids down with soda cans. They had to drag their bag up the street as they walked away. Great suggestions!
4.
A1 Medical Supplies
October 31st, 2008 at 1:00 pm
“One in ten houses still has candy left over from last Halloween. One in two kids can’t tell the difference!”
I like those odds
I’m thinking the bacon or steak would be the best bet. I mean really, who doesn’t like bacon?
5.
DollarDream$
October 31st, 2008 at 2:43 pm
LMAO @
Is your wife hot? If she just happens to “accidentally” answer the door naked, I think that counts as a treat.
hahahahahahah
6.
Low Interest Credit Cards
November 1st, 2008 at 11:18 am
You know what I kept hoping they would hand me as my kid waited for candy? A beer… never got one though.
7.
Kyle
November 1st, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I actually handed out a few condoms this year. Since most of the people who come around my place are teenagers, they enjoyed that.
8.
stocks
November 1st, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I think my wife answering the door naked is more of a christmas treat then it is a halloween treat. heeh
9.
Jeff
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Quality ideas … If/when the candy runs out I start reaching for anything in the kitchen that’s pre-packaged. Could be fruit snacks … could be a granola bar. It’s the luck of the draw!
10.
Obbop
November 3rd, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Live in an area that is exclusively or predominantly working-poor.
Nary a single trick-or-treater.
They hie off to more well-to-do neighborhoods where I suppose the pickings are better or the vile spawn of the breeders go to the arranged venues such as some shopping malls, churches, etc. put on for the greedy little future criminal element.
11.
Catrin W
November 4th, 2008 at 4:32 am
This is a hell interesting and creative list for Halloween. Too bad i was too late to read it, but i will be ready for next year. It is always better to be creative and step of the usual things. Kids will love that.
12.
Leif Spiel
November 4th, 2008 at 6:32 am
Wow, well I guess it is too late to use these tips for halloween, however for next year . . . look out kids! However, I think a lot of these ideas can be translated into christmas gifts, or stocking stuffers. Great post, and I love the cartoons!
13.
Dave
November 20th, 2008 at 8:44 am
I’ll save it for next year.
14.
Medical Assistant Jobs
November 28th, 2008 at 11:02 am
That’s a funny comic strip. I still remember my horror 4 years ago when i ran out of candy to give the trick-or-treaters and had to give them nutri-grain bars!
15.
alaska fishing
December 6th, 2008 at 4:31 am
Hey good news – the recession is over folks. Get out there and buy candy again. Gas is down to $1.79 and stocks were up today.
16.
rocketc
February 5th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
you have some interesting commenters on this blog. Can I still vote for bacon?
17.
College Dating
April 24th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
I really love the way you express your idea through drawing. I think you have point and i think this post is funny.lol!
18.
Prestige Car Hire
April 25th, 2009 at 9:50 am
lolz! that was hilarious. I love these cartoons
19.
Bingo
April 27th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Those cartoons are really good, but I don’t like Halloween I dont thing its a good idea giving all those candies, Too much sugar hahaha!!!
20.
Network Cabling Florida
May 12th, 2009 at 5:52 am
sure wanna come to house if you want give extra-special treat.
lol… i most love in your is your cartoons…
21.
FTP Proxy
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:21 am
Your post are great that’s undeniable but your illustrator is great and i have to mention that.
22.
CD Rates Guy
May 28th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I know Halloween is far from over, but this year I got a kid who was really thankful that we gave out candy. No one in my neighborhood is doing it anymore, and I think it’s sad. Halloween has turned into an excuse to dress like a whore and party.
23.
commercial real estate
June 28th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
In addition to candy, I always give out small American flags.
24.
Home Health Care Florida
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:38 am
First comment for your Cartoons which always great and sure wanna create new candy sources.
25.
Condos Florida
July 9th, 2009 at 12:17 am
Yes true money always works , great way of explanation with cartoons
26.
Trockene Kopfhaut Infos
July 9th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Thank you very much for this useful information.
Please keep on blogging.
I am looking forward to read your next great article.
Best regards !!!!!
27.
Hotelier
July 17th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Ha ha ha
Condoms instead of candies! Kids will like it!
28.
Jonathan@Friends&Money
September 25th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
got to be honest i don’t do trick or treating. I shut the door and keep it closed all night no matter how many people knock. What’s the point?
29.
ChristianLouboutinShoes
April 11th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Thank you very much for this useful information.
30.
iPad
May 16th, 2010 at 6:11 am
Haha i wish it worked though
31.
whey protein reviews
May 18th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
Anyone see the episode of “everyone loves raymond” where his dad (?) accidently passed out all of ray’s condoms to the kids and eventually debra had to call around to explain the situation.
32.
Registry Repair Reviews
May 26th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Yeah I also felt uncomfortable giving candy to kids that were too old. For kids its the whole thing being for for them. When you bring older kids in for the trick or treating it ruins the experience for everybody.
33.
Restaurant Table Linens
June 1st, 2010 at 1:44 am
I remember Halloween’s where I run out of candy, or forgot to pick it up, and try to turn off my lights in the house to pretend no one is home. But some how, these kids have “radar” and can detect that someone is home. I end up popping some popcorn and putting it into little baggies. When I hand it to the trick-or-treaters, they look at me like I’m nuts. It’s better to have the candy.
34.
shortweddingdress
June 7th, 2010 at 3:13 am
you have great point here. I am hoping to see more
35.
Blog Literature
June 8th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
These points are really very funny for me. But i try to practice these points. I want to see their after effects.
36.
bp solar panels
June 17th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Well You’ve got a Point!
37.
Kids Jedi Costume
June 18th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Here’s me already planning this years Halloween, as my Gran always told me plan early and save money. So four months before and I’m looking for idea for a great Halloween party.
I have always said my wife has to many books and I love the idea with the frozen peas, had a bag in the freezer for probably ever now.
Will admit if I got bacon I’d be more than happy Mmmm…. Bacon
38.
computer freezes
June 25th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Very funny! Seriously, I think I’ll take your tip on old books, action figures and yeah, when there’s no any other choice, money.
39.
Health Insurance Maryland
June 30th, 2010 at 12:32 am
I really love the way you express your idea through drawing. I think you have point and i think this post is funny.lol!
40.
Rusty
July 6th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
If people started giving out thick juicy steaks for halloween I am dressing up and hitting up the entire city of Austin!
Very funny article and comic.
41.
Saving Money
July 9th, 2010 at 11:30 am
Coupons…haha. I remember an old Simpsons episode where Homer gives the church donation basket a coupon for 35 cents off Shake and Bake.
42.
become webcam performer
July 19th, 2010 at 2:30 am
LOL at Homer Simpson post above!
Marge: “Homer!” (after Homer puts in coupon)
Homer: “It’s OK Marge, we can afford it”
43.
Burlington, NC
July 23rd, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Love Halloween, always have but much more now that I have kids.
44.
herveleger
July 23rd, 2010 at 10:10 pm
Everyone have a happy and safe Halloween! And all you beautiful ladies there must stop my house, if you want a super-special treatment
45.
ED Loan Consolidation
July 26th, 2010 at 6:45 am
You definitely know how to write to keep the audience engaged.
46.
jimmy choo
July 28th, 2010 at 2:08 am
Owo!Very good advice and funny sense of humor! I am very like.
47.
air jordan
July 28th, 2010 at 4:04 am
I want to take a different healthier approach to Halloween this year and not give out candy, but I don’t want my house to get egged or have my trees toilet papered because I made the little kiddies angry either! Trust me, this has happened to some people I know and my kids told me they heard it was because of the “yucky stuff” that particular house gave out as candy or treats.
48.
Seviyeli Sohbet
July 31st, 2010 at 5:40 am
ty
49.
Office Supplies
August 5th, 2010 at 9:03 am
Haha very funny post. I think I’ll follow your advice and instead of giving kids candy, I’ll give them few pieces of broccoli. At least I won’t be contributing to the obesity crisis in America
50.
Pepper Spray
August 6th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Absolutely fantastic, thanks!
51.
Mobility Showers
August 20th, 2010 at 12:57 am
Haha very funny post!
52.
Eleazar | Best Ways to Invest Money in the Philippines
August 29th, 2010 at 10:01 am
Hallowen maybe two months away but thinking the lessons to be learn on this post and applying it today is not too early to do so.
53.
Tino
August 30th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Great suggestions, I will keep some in mind for Halloween in a few weeks. Actually, I have to confess that I´m an enthusiast of pumpkins and all the halloween stuff. But even if I have candy in my house I don´t like to share it with scary liitle children ;D!
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