Five Great Legal Ways to Sell, Lease, or Rent Your Body
Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: work
Based on the frighteningly large group of people who asked for more details on my April Fools joke about how I whore out my wife, there are a lot of folks out there looking to make money with their bodies. And I’m not talking physical labor or traditional hard work. With these jobs, you’ll be using what your momma gave you to earn what your momma didn’t give you—lots and lots of cash.
- Surrogate mother. Is your womb sitting idly by, much like an unrented apartment unit? Lots of desperate mothers with malfunctioning girl parts will pay you big bucks to lease your lady property for nine months. Unfortunately you won’t be able to do certain things during that time like drink or bungee jump, but a well-qualified surrogate with a finer vagina can earn thousands of dollars per pregnancy.
- Medical guinea pig. Depending on your tolerance for exposing your body to mysterious chemicals and brand new treatments, you could make hundreds of dollars weekly letting science inject you, scan you, and poke you. In addition to taking home some dollars and maybe a few interesting side effects, you’ll also have the satisfaction of knowing that you’re helping to save future generations from horrible diseases like baldness and nine-fingeredness.
- Professional model. Whether your hands, your legs, or even your ears are your best features, there’s someone out there who will pay you to show them off, usually with some sort of clothes or jewelry on them. Photographic models can earn a couple hundred dollars per shoot. And if you don’t mind showcasing imaginary clothes on your body, you could earn even more!
- Food tester. Somewhere out there is a small set of people with my dream job—getting paid to eat and drink. Some such testers working for gourmet food manufacturers can bring in $50,000 or more a year. Unfortunately the requirements for getting such a job are pretty high; you’ll need a discerning tongue and a wide vocabulary that includes words like “pétillant” and “vociferous.”
- Stunt double. Do you like falling out of buildings and running around on fire? If so, and you haven’t been committed to a mental institution, then you may enjoy a rewarding career as a professional stuntperson. For risking life and limb to keep people entertained, you’ll take home a paycheck in the tens of thousands but far less than the actors and actresses you’re working to help keep safe.
Of course, if you’re particularly hard up for money, you could try all five jobs at the same time. I’m pretty sure a stunt-tasting drug-testing maternity-wear model could easily rake in eighty jillion dollars every 57 seconds… because you probably wouldn’t live much longer than that putting your body through all that abuse—I mean, fun!
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66 Responses
1.
Maria
April 21st, 2008 at 8:17 am
You are so irreverent. How can you make fun of these career opportunities?
And you forgot about selling platelets. I’m on a message board where several posters encourage others to sell their blood platelets, and say they get around $100 a month just for sitting there hooked up to a machine, watching their blood go out one tube and back in through another.
I have simply found new online writing jobs to earn extra money. Call me crazy.
2.
Chris
April 21st, 2008 at 9:03 am
You forgot move to Japan and become a male geisha.
3.
Kyle
April 21st, 2008 at 9:35 am
You forgot donating to the sperm bank. Also, one of my friends sold an egg to help pay off her student loans. I think she ended up getting something like $6000 in the end, but it’s a long, painful process. Not sure if it was worth it.
4.
The Shark Investor
April 21st, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I like your style, lol! I personally wouldn’t try making money directly from my body though
5.
Mrs. Micah
April 21st, 2008 at 10:48 pm
There’s always egg sales too. Can pay for tuition with a couple of those babies.
I tried leasing my brain to the NIH for various scans, but unfortunately they don’t want sick brains. Something about having too many of those already. *sigh*
6.
Obbop
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Sell sperm warily. Search the Web for the cases where females begetting spawn, modern-day brood mares, grab a lawyer, forced the records open (supposedly to remain sealed) used DNA testing and……
Some poor schmuck is now paying child support.
Laws vary by state.
Laws can change.
Recommend that males safeguard their seed.
7.
Chadwyck
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I wonder if there are any professionally pregnant people?
8.
Sairah
April 28th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Ha! Definitely about the male geisha thing. Or work at specialty cafes down there… O.o If you have a fetish, some place in Japan probably caters to it. And this isn’t just based off otaku stereotypes, either.
Anyhow, another entertaining post.
Btw, Kyle, I didn’t realize egg donation was painful. I know they’re advertising up to 6k for ONE cycle.
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Egg Donor Program
October 19th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Surrogacy is probably the safest of the five. And Maria is right — there is a higher purpose to surrogacy and egg donation… which is helping infertile couples have children.
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April 20th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
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February 14th, 2011 at 3:42 am
You forgot donating to the sperm bank. Also, one of my friends sold an egg to help pay off her student loans. I think she ended up getting something like $6000 in the end, but it’s a long, painful process. Not sure if it was worth it.
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I tried leasing my brain to the NIH for various scans, but unfortunately they don’t want sick brains. Something about having too many of those already. *sigh*
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