While scouring the internet for somewhere to buy TurboTax’s Home and Business edition for a lot less money than I really want to pay, I came across this little contest running over at the place where lame wanna-be film artists go to die: YouTube.
Apparently all you have to do is make a video of a funny stand-up routine, as long as it’s about taxes, and then the least suckiest person wins $10,000 and gets to open for Jay Mohr who you may remember from his hot wife, Nikki Cox. To get you started, here are some jokes about taxes that you can use for your video that I just made up:
I’m out of work, my wife left me, I owe the IRS $50,000, I’m being audited for the sixth straight year, and I just found out my dog has rabies. On top of that, I apparently really suck at joke-writing because I thought “my dog has rabies” was an awesome punchline to “I owe the IRS $50,000.”
I went to my tax accountant the other day when he said he was done with my tax return. He’s at his desk clicking away at his computer when I come in—you know, doing tax accountant stuff—so I go up to him and I ask him, “Am I getting any money back this year.” He jumps out of his chair and shouts, “Yes! $523!” I look up at him, throw my hands in the air, and say “Hallelujah!” He looks at me funny and he says “Oh, I didn’t realize you got excited when someone else won at computer Solitaire. By the way, you owe $4,000 this year.”
I decided to try out some of that “tax preparation software” this year rather than going with my old way of doing taxes—being unemployed and not making any money to pay taxes on in the first place. But when I started up the program it started asking me all of these personal questions that made me feel uncomfortable. “What’s your Social Security Number?” “How much money do you make each year?” “How many children do you have?” Well, I know from Dateline NBC that I shouldn’t give out by Social Security Number to a computer. I wouldn’t even tell my wife how much money I made each year, assuming I had a wife, or that I made money each year. And if computers aren’t advanced enough to be able to scan the entire world for my DNA and tell me if I have any children I don’t know about, then I sure as hell don’t want a computer doing my taxes for me.
As you can see, you’ll get no competition from me in this contest.