Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Did You Know That CVS Stands for Crazy Values and Sales?

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: , ,

plus buy one, get everything else in the whole store forever free

If you’re familiar with one of my favorite personal finance writers, My Good Cents, then you know the author is in love with a little drugstore chain called CVS. At least once a week, you’ll see her shopping in her local CVS, loading her shopping basket full of mouthwash, razors, and cough syrup. Does she have some sort of over-the-counter drug addiction? No no, not at all. She’s simply taking advantage of some crazy CVS deals that allow her to purchase a variety of products for super-cheap or even free!

Take a look at one of My Good Cents’ recent CVS deals. For a net total of $3.11, she walked out of CVS with the following booty:

  • 3 Glucerna cereal
  • 5 CVS cough drops
  • 1 Gillette Fusion razor
  • 1 Cover Girl lipstick
  • 3 Febreeze products
  • Some Pringles
  • 1 box of South Beach Diet cereal bars
  • Assorted cookies and Band-aids

Obviously she won’t be feeding a family of four on this stuff; but considering the razor alone retails for approximately $8,000 (stupid rip-off razors that leave my face feeling sooo good), I’d say she got quite a bargain.

Inspired by My Good Cents and in desperate need of 72 AA batteries (but not wanting to pay money for them), I decided to set off on my own journey of savings to CVS. As I was first alerted to by this discussion on FatWallet, CVS is currently offering a $5 coupon on an 8-pack of Energizer AA batteries which are also on sale for $5.29. You might be thinking, “Ooh, 29 cents for batteries. That’s a good deal.” No it isn’t! It’s a sucky deal. As you’ll soon discover, if you don’t walk out of CVS with at least $15 of free merchandise and discounts towards your next purchase, you’re getting ripped off.

My adventure started at the CVS a few blocks from my workplace. I arrived armed with the following coupons that I easily printed from the CVS website:

  • $5 off a pack of Energizer batteries
  • Get one free box of CVS-brand facial tissue (my wife is sick and has been using about 900 tissues a day)
  • $5 off a $15 purchase
  • $2 off a $10 purchase

I pulled into the CVS parking lot and parked near the exit, in case I needed to make a quick escape. A few minutes later, I was in the store, carefully loading batteries and tissue into my hand basket. I was tempted by the cheap candy in a nearby aisle, but it would have cost me money, and I was not about to spend any.

I made my way to the checkout lane and was greeted with a pleasant “next in line please” from the lady behind the photo counter. She cheerfully scanned my Extra Bucks card (the Holy Grail of CVS savings) and my items—three packs of batteries and a box of tissues—and accepted my coupons. My initial total started at about $16. She scanned the first coupon—down to $11. She scanned the next—under $10. She scanned the third—knocking me below $5. She scanned the last one—leaving me at $3 total.

Then I realized I was out of coupons. The horror. The horror!

Oh but I was far from out of coupons. Indeed, the cashier noticed what I hadn’t: $1 off coupons affixed to the front of each battery pack. $3 turned to $2. $2 turned to $1.

I was overjoyed—24 batteries and a box of tissues, absolutely free. But she wasn’t done yet.

“You also get $5 worth of Extra Bucks back that you can use on a future purchase,” said the cashier, handing me a receipt printout proudly proclaiming “$5 off!”

“Thank you very much!” I replied, grabbing my CVS bag filled with goodies.

“Not so fast.”

I looked up at the cashier. My heart dropped into my wallet. That’s it, I thought. I’m going to deal jail.

“And you get these coupons for $4 off a future purchase of $20 or more.” More paper receipts were flung my way. “And this one for $3 off $10.”

“Thank you! Thank you!” I bowed, clutching my bag and slowly making my way to the door.

“Oh, and what’s your favorite number?” asked the cashier.

“Uh, two?”

“Then you also get this free jar of jelly beans. Plus it’s Monday, so you get 12 free Hershey bars and four tubes of toothpaste.”

“Uh, thank you–”

“I’m not finished yet, biotcha! And because you have brown hair, here’s a 1:16 scale replica of the U.S.S. Saratoga, three copies of the DVD Shrek, and 18 dozen eggs.”

“Uhhh. I just want to go home now.”

“You have a home! That means you get this free jug of Vaseline and two tickets to the Ice Capades. Plus this innertube that looks like Hillary Clinton. And since you’ve reached 10 free items, you also get 5,000 homemade chocolate chip cookies, a map to buried treasure, and the deed to this building!”

At this point, I ran to the car with my batteries and tissues, but the cashier was close behind.

“How dare you run before I can give you this free gift certificate for a two-hour Swedish massage.” The cashier leapt onto my car hood and transformed into a vicious monster with fangs for teeth and snakes for ears. “I just want to save you money,” came her blood-curdling voice.

As I put the key in the ignition, she punched through the car windshield. I reached into my CVS bag for something to fight her off. The batteries were ineffective. My only hope was the box of store-brand tissue. As I suspected, they were more than harsh enough to dry out her nose long enough for me to escape. In the end, I got away with my three packs of batteries, box of tissues, and $5 in CVS Extra Bucks for the low low price of zero dollars and one shattered, blood-stained windshield. Fortunately CVS has windshields on sale for $3 and a coupon for $6 off of that.

I repeated the same steps at two other CVS stores in my area and netted the 72 batteries I needed along with two more tissue boxes. All for more than free.

Does this mean I like coupons now? No, I still think they’re usually a waste of time, but I wouldn’t call what CVS offers “coupons.” They’re more like “free gift paper things.”

105 Responses »

1.

Patrick
December 11th, 2007 at 1:01 pm

You crack me up! I’ve never shopped at a CVS, and there is one right across the street frmo the grocery store I always go to. I could check it out, but I’m lazy.

2.

Mrs. Micah
December 11th, 2007 at 1:06 pm

Crazy, isn’t it? It’s sad because I was making an emergency purchase at CVS, but because I got up really early, I forgot to grab my coupon on the way out. *sigh* On the plus side, I got another coupon thingy from that.

3.

thisisbeth
December 11th, 2007 at 1:07 pm

CVS does offer crazy bargains. I’m sad that there isn’t one very close to my place.

But I’ll take all those free gifts that you declined. ;)

4.

Kimberly
December 11th, 2007 at 2:11 pm

That was absolutely hilarious. :)

5.

Amanda
December 11th, 2007 at 5:16 pm

Definitely the funniest thing I’ve read all day :) Thank you!

6.

Jason
December 11th, 2007 at 10:28 pm

I’m actually a big fan of CVS stock – I think in the current market it’s a great defensive play. I also love the CVS brand white chocolate macedamia nut cookies (and we buy enough it makes sense to purchase stock as we are probably inflating their revenues!).

7.

Centsible Shopper
December 12th, 2007 at 9:58 pm

For anyone who’s interested in learning how to “do” CVS, check out Money Saving Mom’s tutorial: http://www.moneysavingmom.com/2007/09/cvs-101.html

8.

Clare
December 13th, 2007 at 2:27 pm

Hilarious! And thanks for that link, Centsible. I’m still learning the ropes and waiting for my own card to arrive in the mail (I applied online).

Case in point: I recently borrowed a family member’s card and took some printed coupons to CVS to see what was what.

Tissues = 1.15 Some super-overpriced-intense moisturizer = 9.99. Another personal care item = 3.69. TOTAL = 14.67.

Moisturizer sale price
$2 off a $10 purchase
$1 off personal care item
Free tissues coupon

Total spent = $5.60

All things considered, I didn’t make out too badly. Maybe in a few months I’ll get the system right and be paid to clean out the store =)

9.

Kacie
December 14th, 2007 at 4:01 pm

Lol! That is hilarious. It does seem like it should be illegal to get all that free stuff. Oh well. Good job!

10.

tanyetta
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:06 am

hilarious! ;)

11.

wealthy_1
December 25th, 2007 at 2:06 pm

That was very funny! I rarely shop at CVS because I think it’s expensive. Obviously, I need to do some homework and make my way over there.

12.

rstlne
January 7th, 2008 at 5:10 pm

Last week was the best. Every CVS store brand item was on sale with a buy-one-get-a-second-one-50%-off deal. Also, Christmas candy was 75% off. And I had a $4 off coupon and extra bucks too.

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May 18th, 2009 at 1:57 am

I deal with older boats everyday, but to think you will be able to place a windshield from one to another is not far off. I am not sure if you are selling or what, but the make(s) of the boat are almost identical. Like a escort and a cavalier, but would the windshields work on these No. It might work with some cut and pasting, but a clean fit more then likly not.

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مسلسل بوكريم برقبته سبع حريم
June 8th, 2011 at 7:42 am

I deal with older boats everyday, but to think you will be able to place a windshield from one to another is not far off. I am not sure if you are selling or what, but the make(s) of the boat are almost identical. Like a escort and a cavalier, but would the windshields work on these No. It might work with some cut and pasting, but a clean fit more then likly not. :$

25.

مسلسل بوكريم برقبته سبع حريم
June 8th, 2011 at 7:43 am

I deal with older boats everyday, but to think you will be able to place a windshield from one to another is not far off. I am not sure if you are selling or what, but the make(s) of the boat are almost identical. Like a escort and a cavalier, but would the windshields work on these No. It might work with some cut and pasting, but a clean fit more then likly not. :)

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Inchirieri
August 17th, 2011 at 3:28 am

I haven’t know that CSV stands for Crazy Values and Sales. To bad that I do not have one in my country.

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September 6th, 2011 at 11:06 am

cvs does have some crazy deals there is another blog that goes over some of the styles of shopping there called howisavemaney.net

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who knows what the answer will be Best plan not to stop your car on the highway even if someone is lying in the road have the air conditioning on and the doors locked. Do not go out alone always be with a friend. Take all sensible precautions and you should be OK I spent three weeks in South Africa quite safely;

94.

guruscript.com
May 10th, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I really liked the Zohan soundtrack and did not know the group was from Jerusalum. That is interesting as I did not know there was a thriving hip hop culture over there. They seem to have a positive message which is something I can support

95.

maurers forte
May 11th, 2012 at 6:48 am

Maurers Forte iştahınızı azaltıp tokluk hissinizi desteklemeye yardımcı olmaktadır. Yemek yeme arzusunu kesmeye, tatlıya olan iştahın azalmasına, içeriğindeki bileşenler ile enerjinizi korumaya, gün içerisinde yorgun ve bitkin kalmanızı önlemeye yardımcı olur.

96.

maurers forte
May 11th, 2012 at 6:48 am

Gün boyunca acıkmamak, etkili bir şekilde kilo vermenin en önemli yöntemlerindendir. Aç olduğumuz zaman o an bize ne uygun geliyorsa yeriz ve besin değerlerini göz ardı ederiz.

97.

maurers
May 11th, 2012 at 6:49 am

Maurers, göbek, bel ve basen bölgesi gibi hareketsiz bölgelerdeki yağlardan kurtulmanıza katkı sağlayarak, sağlıklı bir kilo kontrolüne yardımcı ürün olan Maurers Forte ile vücudunuzdaki değişime hazır olun…

98.

maurers
May 11th, 2012 at 6:49 am

Bölgesel zayıflama kişinin vücudunda yer alan bazı bölgelerde biriken yağların vücuttan atılması işlemine denilmektedir. Maurers Forte bu bölgelerdeki yağlara etki ederek, şikayet ettiğiniz bu bölgelerden kurtulmanıza yardımcı olmaktadır.

99.

Deko Party
May 12th, 2012 at 6:51 am

Youre truly well-informed. I cant believe how much of this I just wasnt aware of. Thank you for bringing more information to this topic for me. Im truly grateful and really impressed.

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