CONSUMER WARNING: Everything Recalled
Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: business, humor
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), in cooperation with every company in the world, announced today that everything has been recalled. Consumers should stop using everything immediately.
Name of Product: Everything (a.k.a. Anything, All Things, All of the Stuff Around You, Your Pile of Crap)
Units: Approximately 500 quadrillion.
Manufacturer: Every company ever.
Hazard: Everything has the potential to catch fire, impale, explode, spin violently, break apart, melt, dissolve, emit lethal radiation, inject poison, cause an apocalypse, induce labor, jettison antimatter, evoke feelings of remorse, alter the fabric of the space-time continuum, or turn into zombies which could lead to injury, burns, dismemberment, disembodiment, seizures, brain damage, extreme fatigue, acid indigestion, and death.
Incidents/Injuries: Reports have been received detailing massive casualties, horrific disfigurations, painful lacerations, and moderate weight gain. More than 30 billion people have been injured or killed through the use of everything since the beginning of history.
Description: This recall involves everything, including your car, your plasma television, and that sandwich you are eating right now.
Sold at: Every store ever.
Manufactured in: Every country, but mostly China.
Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop using everything, curl up in a tiny ball, and repeat to themselves that everything is going to be all right, everything is going to be all right, even though it isn’t.
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28 Responses »
1.
Jenn @ Frugal Upstate
September 6th, 2007 at 10:10 am
Have I mentioned lately how funny you are????
2.
Nick
September 6th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Sorry Jenn, humor was recalled too, so this site will be getting a lot less funny. No wait, the internet has been recalled.
3.
Pinyo
September 7th, 2007 at 10:02 am
Nick, I just wish I can be as funny as you. That’s just priceless.
4.
Jonathan
September 9th, 2007 at 7:09 am
It’s funny because it’s true.
5.
Payday Advance
May 31st, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Scary, but not far from truth!
6.
computer freezes
August 27th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
LOL! This should be targeted to those people who are overly paranoid and are always clamoring for recall.
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December 21st, 2010 at 1:00 pm
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Thermal Mugs
March 9th, 2011 at 11:41 pm
LOL – disturbingly, everything being recalled sounds a bit too close to the truth sometimes!
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March 26th, 2011 at 8:57 am
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April 27th, 2011 at 3:48 am
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September 3rd, 2011 at 12:36 pm
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September 15th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
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18.
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October 30th, 2011 at 10:03 am
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19.
jocu-RI cu Masini
November 1st, 2011 at 10:38 am
It’s sad and funny how you can present real problems with such easy and in such a funny way
20.
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December 1st, 2011 at 5:22 am
I wish I had a sense of humor like your,great stuff dude!
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December 2nd, 2011 at 10:46 am
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22.
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December 24th, 2011 at 8:48 am
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January 3rd, 2012 at 9:19 am
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January 27th, 2012 at 10:46 pm
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[...] Consumer Warning: Everything Recalled by Nick @ Punny Money. LOL… a classic “punny style” post. This recall involves everything, including your car, your plasma television, and that sandwich you are eating right now. [...]
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