Add An Extra Day to Your Week–No Time Machine Required!
Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: time
Money is time. Time is money. You just wasted three cents reading this opening, so let’s get to it!
Since my petition to add Nickday between Wednesday and Thursday was rejected by Congress, I’ve been looking for ways to help me find some extra time. I came up with the following list which can save anybody up to 24 hours every single week.
- Ditch the TV. Most people watch at least two hours of television every day. Last time I checked, TV is not a vitamin the body needs to survive. Stop watching all TV, except for Heroes because it’s awesome. Time saved: 13 hours
- Sleep one hour less each day, and two hours less each weekend day. Yes, it can be done. It’ll take some getting used to, but spending less time horizontally unconscious is the easiest way to add hours to your week. Time saved: 9 hours
- Skip every other shower. If everybody did this, nobody would notice the smell! Time saved: 30 minutes
- Omit unneeded words. Strive for efficiency of speech. Instead of “Please pass me the bread,” say, “Bread. Now.” Time saved: 30 minutes
- Skim some time from work. Show up two minutes later, leave three minutes early. Do this five times a week. Just don’t let the boss catch you! Time saved: 25 minutes
- Pee faster. Instead of letting it just stream out, put some force behind it and finish in half the time. Time saved: 10 minutes
- Instead of walking, cartwheel. Cartwheeling is at least 10% faster than normal one-foot-in-front-of-the-other travel. It’s also a great way to impress the ladies. Time saved: 10 minutes
- Skip sex once a week. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. Time saved: 5 minutes
- Don’t wear underwear. Think about how often you take off or put on underwear each week. Underwear is not worth it! Time saved: 5 minutes
- Fill water glasses from the tub, not the sink. Need a glass of water? It’ll take about five seconds to fill it from the kitchen tap, but the tub spigot will do it in two. Multiply that by eight glasses a day, seven days a week, and you get… Time saved: 3 minutes
- Add a fireman’s pole to your home. Stairs just don’t cut it in today’s fast-paced society. Time saved: 1 minute and 30 seconds
- Rename your children. It’ll make them easier to call down for dinner. One-syllable names only, people! Mahershalalhashbaz might sound like a cool name, but George will do just fine. Time saved: 30 seconds
Now that you have an extra day every week, be sure to put it to good use. Volunteer at an orphanage. Write the Great American Novel. Read the Punny Money archives. Or fulfill your dream of becoming the first person to build a life-sized model of the Starship Enterprise out of toothpicks.
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75 Responses
1.
Clever Dude
February 28th, 2007 at 8:10 am
How do you save 9 hours by sleeping 1 hour less for 7 days? Wouldn’t that be 7 hours?
The shower: people would notice the smell if that day was THEIR day to shower.
Pee faster: But what if I have a shy bladder?
Skip sex….I’ll hold my tongue
Fireman’s pole: It could be used for other purposes that would make you lose the “skip sex” time. Not that I would know…
Who names their kid Marshmallowballz?
2.
Nick
February 28th, 2007 at 10:17 am
How do you save 9 hours by sleeping 1 hour less for 7 days? Wouldn’t that be 7 hours?
“Sleep one hour less each day, and two hours less each weekend day.” (5 x 1) + (2 x 2) = 9.
I hereby declare showers off limits on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Mahershalalhashbaz is the longest name in the Bible and has over 70,000 results in Google. By comparison, “Clever Dude” has just 49,800. Fascinating, isn’t it?
3.
Clever Dude
February 28th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I’m a Bible character!!!
Dang, I gotta get my reading glasses on.
4.
Jenn @ Frugal Upstate
March 1st, 2007 at 9:46 am
Ha!
5.
Dennis
March 2nd, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I’ve quit the TV for a while. But I’m not sure about quitting a shower… it will make me smell… haha.
6.
mbhunter
March 5th, 2007 at 3:18 am
But Nick,
I can’t count my no-sleep, worktime-skimming, fast-peeing, going-commando times as four separate time-saving moments. They only count once!
How could a multitasker like myself possibly save a day a week?
7.
Nick
March 5th, 2007 at 9:14 am
I hate to burst your bubble, but it’s been scientifically proven that humans cannot multitask. They can try, but they usually end up working less efficiently overall than if they simply did tasks individually.
I guess you could also blend all of your meals in a blender and drink them. That should save you a few hours a week on chewing.
8.
mbhunter
March 5th, 2007 at 10:39 am
That’s funny. I was drinking a smoothie as I read your response.
9.
Blaine Moore (First Time Home Owner)
March 5th, 2007 at 11:06 am
I don’t shower every day, especially in the winter. First, I need to track down a problem with my shower where there is only intermittent hot water so I don’t really like taking them. Second, I work out once or twice (now again thrice) a day most days, so I just shower after that rather than in the morning. If I showered the evening before after a workout, why shower again the next morning? Especially if I’ll be working out again before work or during lunch?
Also, when I work out, I am usually at
(a) the gym – weight lifting or running in town
(b) the elementary school – swimming or running at lunch
(c) a local college – indoor track
Unless I work out from home, I can save money by not using my own water or having to pay to heat that water (plus I can get hotter water elsewhere)
So, I only shower at home maybe two or three times a week, one or two of them being after weekend runs.
As for the underwear issue, it keeps your pants from getting as dirty as fast. Think about it: If you don’t wear underwear, you need to wash your pants more often. Pants take up more space in the washing machine and take longer to dry than underwear, so wearing the underwear actually saves you time, rather than costing you time. Heheh.
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Nick
March 5th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Heh, if one isn’t worried about showering, I doubt one would worry about keeping clothes clean.
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wow, those are some interesting ideas. I like to concept of “Bread. Now.” instead of “Pass me the bread”. If people will practice this kind of command, I’m sure that lots of fighting will happen.
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Dude, you are hilarious. I think the peeing thing could be counter productive though. And I’m absolutely sure that I don’t spend 5 minutes per week putting on underwear.
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The whole ‘time is money’ idea that the U.S. absolutely lives by is as absurd as the idea that time is real. Time is a way humans understand life, that’s all, but HUMOR is the best way!
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