A Giant Anti-Hurricane Wall Around the Gulf of Mexico Would Pay For Itself
Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: environment, insurance, technology
As Gulf Coast residents prepare to do battle with yet another tropical menace, a few questions may come to mind. For instance, why in this era of polio vaccines and internet pizza delivery have we not found a way to prevent hurricanes? I mean, they’re just large masses of condensed water vapor with some snazzy visual and sound effects.
Well, it’s not like science hasn’t tried. According to the Wikipedia article on the subject, artificial attempts to dissipate hurricanes have included everything from dropping a tarp across the ocean to block evaporation to blowing the things to hell with nukes. Unfortunately, as hurricanes are made by God when He is really really angry, nothing that man has constructed can stand up to them.
Until now.
Instead of attempting to destroy or dissipate a hurricane, we should instead try to block or redirect them to locations nobody cares about. The simplest way to accomplish such a task would be to build a giant wall in the path of the hurricane.
Now I know what you’re thinking: What is Nick smoking today, and where can I get some? But I assure you that I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and I think an Anti-Hurricane Wall could help prevent trillions of dollars in property damage, not to mention countless lost lives.
The best place to start testing an Anti-Hurricane wall would likely be the Gulf of Mexico as it’s home to vital oil refineries and lots of people dumb enough to live below sea level. Here’s how an Anti-Hurricane Wall would work in the Gulf:
- Build a giant wall between Florida and Mexico. The wall would have holes near the bottom to allow sea traffic and dolphins to travel through it freely.
- The wall would be made of tough anti-hurricane materials such as plywood and bungee cords.
- When a hurricane reaches the wall, it would run into the wall and would—much like a person or rambunctious kitten impacting a wall—fall down and start crying or something.
- Eventually the hurricane would give up and go home or at least to some other country that can’t afford an Anti-Hurricane Wall.
See, isn’t that simple? Of course, building an enormous Anti-Hurricane Wall the size of the Gulf of Mexico would present a few challenges:
- The wall would need to be about 500 miles long if built from, say, Key Largo, Florida to Cancun, Mexico.
- The wall would need to be about five miles high as that’s about how high the outer portions of a hurricane tend to reach. Sure, the eye of a hurricane can reach almost twice that height, but if the surrounding part of the storm can’t get by the wall, neither can the eye.
- Building a 2,500 square mile wall in the middle of the ocean could be quite expensive. Even if we used some 10% off coupons at Home Depot, it would likely cost around, oh, $100 billion for the 70 billion square feet of plywood and other materials needed to build this thing. But considering that Hurricane Katrina did over $80 billion in damage by itself, this thing could pay for itself in a couple of years.
- Insurance companies could probably be convinced to pay for some or most of the wall as they’d stand to save the most from blocking hurricanes from making landfall.
Of course, there are a few negative consequences to building the Great Wall of the Gulf of Mexico. For example, I don’t think Cuba would see much sunlight ever again, and they might not like that (especially since they’d be on the wrong side of the wall). Plus some people would argue that the only wall we should be building in that region is across the U.S. border with Mexico, though I would argue that hurricanes are at least a little more dangerous than illegal immigrants. Oh, and heaven forbid a hurricane managed to knock down the wall; the ensuing tidal wave would likely wipe out the entire Gulf Coast, but let’s not dwell on the negatives any longer.
Depending on the effectiveness of the Gulf Coast Anti-Hurricane Wall, I would later recommend constructing one off the U.S. East Coast since, well, that’s where I live and I think I deserve giant protective walls as much as any Texan or Louisianian. So start calling your senators and representatives today and ask for Anti-Hurricane Walls before it’s too late. Oh, and let them know that plywood’s on sale at Lowes this week: buy 5,000,000, get 5,000,000 free!
Loading ...
86 Responses »
1.
Kyle
September 10th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Duck Tales was the best cartoon ever followed by Darkwing Duck.
2.
Bill
September 10th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
What are you smoking and where can I get it?
Brilliant! Quit being a negative Nancy. Who cares if the wall collapses. It’s not like ply wood and bungee chords would ever fall apart.
3.
Nick
September 10th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
@Kyle, Rescue Rangers was probably my favorite, though DuckTales was certainly close behind. And the DuckTales movie is far and away my favorite Disney movie; absolutely epic and brilliant. We watched all of Darkwing Duck again recently after watching most of TaleSpin and kinda put them both as tied for third.
4.
football news
September 10th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
nice art work. Ducktales is one of my favourite movie too , although its a classy one.
5.
Cheap Ps3
September 10th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Do you make the artwork yourself Nick?
6.
Nick
September 10th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
@Cheap Ps3, yes, I do. It takes every bit of artistic talent I have to pull these off too.
7.
hieyeglasses
September 11th, 2008 at 2:55 am
Haha, that “comic stip” is kinda weird, i like it!
8.
Cheap Ps3
September 11th, 2008 at 6:57 am
It must take you ages, just to publish one post! Nice work mate!
9.
Chris
September 11th, 2008 at 8:01 am
So were they saved from the rooftop?
10.
A1 Medical Supplies
September 11th, 2008 at 10:33 am
This is a brilliant idea. I could definitely get behind an anti-hurricane wall. Of course that is mostly because getting in front of it would expose me to hurricanes.
11.
Denver PC Repair Guy
September 11th, 2008 at 11:10 am
To make it ultra effective, you could probably also put some solar powered ceiling fans on the wall so it could blow it back to Africa. And maybe turn it on every now and again when it gets too hot in the Keys.
You just have to think “bigger”.
12.
Nick
September 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
@Chris, unfortunately, no. There was a stranger… out to find them. Possibly also some danger behind them.
13.
Kyle
September 11th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I would put Rescue Rangers third behind TaleSpin if I had to rank them. But none of them can touch Vultron.
14.
Jerry
September 12th, 2008 at 5:07 am
What model of calculator are you using, which leads to the pinpoint precision of your calculations?
Also, please let us know which insurance companies support the WHEW (Wondrous Hurricane Exterminating Wall). They will immediately get all of my business.
Jerry
15.
Chris K.
September 12th, 2008 at 8:10 am
I am amazed at how well that wooden telephone pole can bend.
I guess I have to start putting a “K” after Chris since I’m not the only one posting…
16.
Lena Steuern
September 12th, 2008 at 8:29 am
I actually thought your idea was BRILLIANT… up until the point where you started listing negatives!
But… surely it´s worth some consideration? 
I say….. promote your idea.
Lena
17.
used car loan
September 13th, 2008 at 5:30 am
great post, a little hard to read with some of the weird characters that didn’t transfer well, but other then that I enjoyed the brief quotes form the interview.
18.
Gamesportal
September 14th, 2008 at 2:09 am
A wall like that – 500 miles long and 5 miles high, sure wouldn’t be great for property values.
19.
Jeff
September 17th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
You are a genius. I wonder if this is another of your posts that is going to turn into reality …
20.
Onewingedangel79
September 19th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Actually I always figured we DID have the tech for an Anti hurricnae wall. The wall would have to extend from florida to Mexico (screw Cuba, cigars arent that necessary) like you said. But instead og BUngee cords and plywood they could use negatively charged Ionized nitrogen and oxygen atoms. The base of the machine would be ionizers (thats what they would be called) and you would line 500 of them along the surface. 1 for every mile. And when a hurricane is a coming the shoot ionized atoms in the air 10 miles high. Only problem is this project costs about $100 trillion dollars.
21.
WebVeTy
September 25th, 2008 at 6:13 am
To make it ultra effective, you could probably also put some solar powered ceiling fans on the wall so it could blow it back to Africa. And maybe turn it on every now and again when it gets too hot in the Keys.
You just have to think “bigger”.
22.
Air Jordans
December 5th, 2008 at 3:39 am
You know how they create miniature biosperes in labs and in fact classrooms all over? Would it be cheaper to try the idea out on a smaller scale before dumping all that money into the ocean so to speak. Think of all the bridges to nowhere that ppl built and the space program – can we afford a hurricane wall that isn’t proven to work. It does sound like a great idea in theory though.
23.
William Dees
January 15th, 2009 at 1:38 am
I would go with a cement board. It is definitely more expensive but would not fall apart when coming in contact with moisture. A Hardiboard would be good. Hold on, why am I even considering this? Actually , great post. Got a kick from it.
24.
Jonathan@Friends&Money
March 16th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I think they already tried this appraoch in the middle east between Gaza, the West Bank and Israel, but the wall didn’t have much effect on the hurricanes
25.
Advice for women
July 10th, 2009 at 7:55 am
“Instead of attempting to destroy or dissipate a hurricane, we should instead try to block or redirect them to locations nobody cares about. The simplest way to accomplish such a task would be to build a giant wall in the path of the hurricane.”
Are you serious? Can this really be possible? I thought the proposal for “The Great Wall for Mexico” is for smugglers and illegal immigrants. But if it’s really possible there’s one problem, countries who can’t afford to build their own hurricane wall won’t allow this. They would probably be the destination of the diverted hurricane.
26.
car loans quote form
May 21st, 2010 at 5:08 am
Okay, I saved the post ..:)
Thank admin for my back link.
27.
Saving Money
June 18th, 2010 at 8:10 am
I seriously laughed out loud at that cartoon. I loved Ducktales!
28.
car title loan for badcredit
July 6th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Hello admin, thank for sharing and back link
29.
Chinese drywall
July 12th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
when looking at any real estate in florida, be careful of chinese drywall. a qualified chinese drywall inspector can save you from the financial ruin and devestation of chinese drywall.
30.
Rain Barrel
August 11th, 2010 at 7:56 am
haha great cartoon
31.
hacer dinero
September 17th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Did he eat the ducks that were swimming?….lol
32.
omda
November 10th, 2010 at 6:38 am
no hope عالم حواء
33.
sohbetci
November 17th, 2010 at 7:33 am
thanks for admin.nice sharing.very nice.
34.
Facelifters
November 29th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
people who interested in Real Estate they will get definitely benefit by Punny Money.
35.
دردشة سعودية
December 8th, 2010 at 11:45 am
The subject of a mile and a very special and out of your creations in writing
36.
منتديات
December 9th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
This information is worthy of admiration and appreciation thank you
37.
p90x
February 2nd, 2011 at 1:54 pm
nice share thanks very funny photo, thanks a lot
38.
الملتقى العربي
February 10th, 2011 at 9:46 pm
nice share thanks very funny photo, thanks a lot
39.
reklama internete
February 12th, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Utopia
40.
Torna
February 12th, 2011 at 8:38 pm
Thanks for admin.nice sharing.very nice…..
41.
Sohbet
February 13th, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Thanks for admin.nice sharing.very nice..
42.
ملتقى صبايا العرب
March 25th, 2011 at 9:23 pm
people who interested in Real Estate they will get definitely benefit by Punny Money.صبايا العرب
43.
zara
March 25th, 2011 at 9:56 pm
http://www.vibramfivefingershoes2011.com/
44.
دردشة عراقية
March 26th, 2011 at 6:17 pm
people who interested in Real Estate they will get definitely benefit
45.
haiying
April 12th, 2011 at 3:12 am
http://www.mylouisvuittonoutlet-sale.com/
46.
Internet filter for Mac
April 13th, 2011 at 3:58 am
haha great cartoon
47.
car loans quote form
April 21st, 2011 at 3:41 am
Thank you for your very nice message and reply message from you.
48.
xx
April 27th, 2011 at 2:40 am
http://www.coachpursestores.com/
49.
zara
May 14th, 2011 at 3:13 am
http://www.burberrybags-store.com/
50.
replica tagheuer
May 19th, 2011 at 10:19 pm
http://www.watchestoo.info/replica-iwc-watches-c-138.html
51.
vêtement femme
June 10th, 2011 at 1:58 am
qualified chinese drywall inspector can save you from the financial ruin and devestation of chinese drywal
52.
دردشة عراقية
June 19th, 2011 at 11:56 pm
I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough .)
53.
دردشة عراقنا
July 9th, 2011 at 5:16 am
fekg
54.
burberry outlet
July 28th, 2011 at 3:37 am
It is a very informative and useful post thanks it is good material to read this post increases my knowledge
55.
قلب الرياض
August 6th, 2011 at 1:30 am
when looking at any real estate in florida, be careful of chinese drywall. a qualified chinese drywall inspector can save you from the financial ruin and devestation of chinese drywall.
56.
Hire SEO Company
August 18th, 2011 at 6:05 am
Subject of your post is very interesting.I ‘d love to read more.Please make the next post here, i ‘ll be waiting for that.
57.
Hurrricane Insurance
September 12th, 2011 at 6:40 am
Until they get some kind of protection it’s a good idea to have hurricane and windstorm coverage on the homeowners insurance policy.
58.
Hurrricane Insurance
September 12th, 2011 at 6:46 am
In Texas, we get a lot of those bad storms around the coastal areas.
59.
homeowners insurance florida
September 16th, 2011 at 6:42 am
It won’t. If hurricanes do become more severe due to warming, then it will have more value and might in fact become economically viable as the costs of hurricane recovery increase.
60.
homeowners insurance florida
September 16th, 2011 at 6:43 am
Global Circulations explain how air and storm systems travel over the Earth’s surface. The global circulation would be simple (and the weather boring) if the Earth did not rotate, the rotation was not tilted relative to the sun, and had no water.
61.
homeowners insurance florida
September 16th, 2011 at 6:43 am
The rotation of a hurricane (more generally known as tropical cyclone) is due to the Coriolis effect. In the lower atmosphere, Earth’s rotation causes air converging towards the center of the storm (due to the pressure gradient force) to be deflected to the right in the Northern Hemisphere and to the left in the Southern Hemisphere.
62.
homeowners insurance florida
September 16th, 2011 at 6:43 am
Hadley cell – Low latitude air movement toward the equator that with heating, rises vertically, with poleward movement in the upper atmosphere. This forms a convection cell that dominates tropical and sub-tropical climates.
63.
العاب كراش
October 3rd, 2011 at 8:41 am
Thank you
64.
مفكرة العرب
October 3rd, 2011 at 1:20 pm
people who interested in Real Estate they will get definitely benefit by Punny Money
65.
ديكورات
October 6th, 2011 at 4:46 pm
thanx
66.
منتديات
October 7th, 2011 at 8:10 pm
thank you a lot’s منتديات السكرة
67.
شات
October 7th, 2011 at 8:10 pm
thank you a lot’s شات السكرة
68.
مدونة
October 17th, 2011 at 11:15 am
Thanx for this topic مدونة
69.
ماليزيا
October 25th, 2011 at 3:53 am
thank you a lot’s bro
70.
منتديات صبايا
October 30th, 2011 at 9:16 am
I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough .)
منتديات صبايا العرب
71.
منتديات العراق
November 18th, 2011 at 11:37 am
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
72.
معهد
November 20th, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I have a presentation that I am presently working on , and I have been looking for such information.
التقويم الهجري 1433
73.
jocu-RI cu Masini
December 1st, 2011 at 5:56 am
I wish I had a sense of humor like your,great stuff dude!
74.
تحميل برامج 2012
December 27th, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I think everyone should have health insurance.It is help them to fight with critical time,when our health demand huge money to cure.Excellent post to all who seeking about.Avid smoking and live happy life.
75.
Air Max
December 31st, 2011 at 2:09 am
To know everything in-depth you can quickly stop with their authorized site or can make contact with them over call.
76.
برامج محادثة
January 1st, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Smokers and drug addicted people dying in their younger age.Obesity becoming a curse for whole universe.I truly appreciate the wonderful post here.Nice to have it.أندرويد
77.
jocu-RI cu Masini
January 3rd, 2012 at 9:43 am
So, how are you writing all this, how do you find your inspiration?
78.
دردشة عراق الرومانسية
January 6th, 2012 at 2:36 pm
دردشة عراقية كتابية ||
79.
red pumps
January 12th, 2012 at 6:48 am
There may be different types of money ie we call it as currency.Different countries have different curriences like in india it is in Rs,in USA it is in dollors.
80.
الفيس بوك
January 25th, 2012 at 8:24 pm
This is a brilliant idea. I could definitely get behind an anti-hurricane wall. Of course that is mostly because getting in front of it would expose me to hurricanes.
81.
replica jewelry
January 26th, 2012 at 12:27 am
Nice hosting! It’s my first time to read like this article.yfyfg
82.
شات
January 27th, 2012 at 6:31 pm
thanx this topic very very good
i will spend my time in this site
83.
homeowners insurance florida
January 31st, 2012 at 4:51 am
Anti-Hurricane wall around the gulf of Mexico..what is this stupid thing..
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>Trackbacks & Pingbacks
[...] Money has a humorous solution for preventing hurricanes in the Gulf of [...]
Pingback by Personal Finance Posts I Enjoyed This Week | MoneyBeagle.com — September 13, 2008 @ 11:32 am
[...] wake of all this disastrous weather we’ve been having lately, and to go along with my recent anti-hurricane wall proposal (which I hear has been read by researchers at MIT on a placemat in their cafeteria), I thought [...]
Pingback by Punny Poll #34: How About This Weather We’ve Been Having? | Punny Money — September 18, 2008 @ 10:53 pm
[...] A Giant Anti Hurricane Wall Around the Gulf of Mexico Would Pay Posted by root 7 hours ago (http://www.punny.org) Here how an anti hurricane wall would work in the gulf to make it ultra effective you could probably also put some solar powered ceiling fans on the wall so it could blow it please note by posting a comment you agree to abide by the comments policy punny Discuss | Bury | News | A Giant Anti Hurricane Wall Around the Gulf of Mexico Would Pay [...]
Pingback by A Giant Anti Hurricane Wall Around the Gulf of Mexico Would Pay | Outdoor Ceiling Fans — May 31, 2009 @ 8:39 am